I had an entirely different post planned for today, but then I remembered...God, today is Easter! As you may know, or if you don't I'm telling you now, I am Christian. And for me, keeping my faith and its holidays is very important...But gosh, with what is happening today in my life, I forgot about Easter...shame on me, yeah...
Well, what can I say...I have reasons... apart from the war that has got me suffering from terrible insomnia and anxiety, my husband's disease has made its grand return and it's back with a vengeance... so, at the moment I have difficulties thinking straight...It is the third relapse and until we know exactly what it is and what can be done my head is a carousel of ideas and bad thoughts...
So, yep, I forgot...In the end I managed to dye a few eggs because there is no Easter without dyed eggs but I am going to leave you with one of my posts from the 15th of April 2012...same vibe, in a sense...
"Memories of Easters Past
As here in Israel today is a working, normal day, after I took Maya to the kindy (and I regret it now, I should’ve keep her at home with me, maybe I would've felt better), I ate alone my Easter brunch and remembered the ones from my childhood – the only nice memories that I have about holidays. I recall our Easter breakfasts, our small kitchen and us, the four kids, around it, and the table heavy with food: dyed eggs, ham, spring onions, radishes, Romanian ricotta – "urda", the best ricotta there is, and "kash" – hard, unsalted cheese made from sheep’s milk and the home-made bread with a thick, crunchy crust. And the lunches, even better, sorrel soup with lamb and rice, stuffed lamb with new potatoes and lettuce. Then, the pound cakes, sweet and filled with nuts and sugar...
After I grew up and left home Easter was never the same and now I’ve lost hope that it would ever be.
My husband, desperate to see me so sad and depressed every major Christian holiday keeps asking me what would really made me happy…And the truth is, I don’t know… I am aware that I cannot move back time and re-live the good times. I am stuck here, in limbo, between the past that haunts me and the present that doesn’t suit me at all.
But, enough of this, today is Easter and I going to wait until Maya gets home from the kindy and then we'll clink and knock Easter eggs until their shells break and we'll say "Christos a Inviat" - "Christ has risen" and I'm sure Maya will want to draw a picture of us...And we'll invent our own traditions, because I want Maya to have happy childhood memories too..."
That is, really...I have some red eggs and no food on the table this Easter, but I have to remain hopeful that, the same as Christ has risen this day, we will rise from our own misfortunes...Yes, it is one of my most miserable Easters ever, but I have to keep going, for my family's sake, as I have been doing for some time now.
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