A Hopeful Easter...

 

I had an entirely different post planned for today, but then I remembered...God, today is Easter! As you may know, or if you don't I'm telling you now, I  am Christian. And for me, keeping my faith and its holidays is very important...But gosh, with what is happening today in my life, I forgot about Easter...shame on me, yeah...

Well, what can I say...I have reasons... apart from the war that has got me suffering from terrible insomnia and anxiety, my husband's disease has made its grand return and it's back with a vengeance... so, at the moment I have difficulties thinking straight...It is the third relapse and until we know exactly what it is and what can be done my head is a carousel of ideas and bad thoughts...

So, yep, I forgot...In the end I managed to dye a few eggs because there is no Easter without dyed eggs but I am going to leave you with one of my posts from the 15th of April 2012...same vibe, in a sense...

"Memories of Easters Past

As here in Israel today is a working, normal day, after I took Maya to the kindy (and I regret it now, I should’ve keep her at home with me, maybe I would've felt better), I ate alone my Easter brunch and remembered the ones from my childhood – the only nice memories that I have about holidays. I recall our Easter breakfasts, our small kitchen and us, the four kids, around it, and the table heavy with food: dyed eggs, ham, spring onions, radishes, Romanian ricotta – "urda", the best ricotta there is, and "kash" – hard, unsalted cheese made from sheep’s milk and the home-made bread with a thick, crunchy crust. And the lunches, even better, sorrel soup with lamb and rice, stuffed lamb with new potatoes and lettuce. Then, the pound cakes, sweet and filled with nuts and sugar... 

After I grew up and left home Easter was never the same and now I’ve lost hope that it would ever be.

My husband, desperate to see me so sad and depressed every major Christian holiday keeps asking me what would really made me happy…And the truth is, I don’t know… I am aware that I cannot move back time and re-live the good times. I am stuck here, in limbo, between the past that haunts me and the present that doesn’t suit me at all.

But, enough of this, today is Easter and I going to wait until Maya gets home from the kindy and then we'll clink and knock Easter eggs until their shells break and we'll say "Christos a Inviat" - "Christ has risen" and I'm sure Maya will want to draw a picture of us...And we'll invent our own traditions, because I want Maya to have happy childhood memories too..."

That is, really...I have some red eggs and no food on the table this Easter, but I have to remain hopeful that, the same as Christ has risen this day, we will rise from our own misfortunes...Yes, it is one of my most miserable Easters ever, but I have to keep going, for my family's sake, as I have been doing for some time now.

Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday - But Not Today

Image by Maggi_94 via Flickr

Not so long ago I discovered Shell's blog http://thingsicantsay-shell.blogspot.com/, and she has this weekly meme on Wednesday - Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday. You just spill out everything that bothers you and then you go to link it on Shell's blog. Magistral idea! Well, I, like Shell, use my blog to write things I cannot say, to write about things that bother me. And oh boy, there are so many! The unlucky ones who read my blog could tell about my moaning and groaning and complaining and crying and so on. This blog helped me, really helped, ease the pressure I felt after living for ten years like an alien, in a different culture, in a place that didn't welcome me, alone, without any family or friends. In this blog I write about my daily struggle to come to terms with my karma... but not today. Today I am going to write about something HAPPY, for a change. I hope I will stand the challenge.
Again, the people that read my blog know that around the major Christian holidays I have a very hard time coping, and this year is was the same. I got very frustrated because it was impossible to find one chocolate Easter bunny or some chocolate eggs and so my daughter Maya was meant to have a bunny-less Easter. Of course, I came here and wrote about it, about my fruitless quest for the chocolatey treat for my baby...
And, the incredible happened! I discovered I have friends, people that care about me, even more, I made new friends with this occasion. Today, for example I received a huge envelope stuffed with Easter treats from Bogarantyú (http://bogarantyu.blogspot.com/), from Hungary! My long lost and found friend Marieta send me egg dye and a prayer bracelet from Romania and my former cleaner sent me a huge package with Easter goodies from America (she is there as a live-in nanny)! I am absolutely overwhelmed! This year Maya and I will have the best Easter ever! And this will be possible because of my friends! Isn't it fantastic? Their extraordinary gesture (more extraordinary from Bogarantyu, because she doesn't even know me as a real person, she knows only my blogging self) gives me hope, you know? Hope that not everything is lost in this world...That there is still love and compassion out there. I cried each and every time I went to the post office to take out the packages. The post-lady watched me in wonder, thinking God knows what...Who cares?
So, even if I have so many things to complain about, I am not going to do it today. Because today I just fell blessed and tonight, before going to bed I am going to tap into this well of positive energy that surrounds me and I will say the most sincere thank you prayer I said in a long time.
God bless you all, my not-so-distant friends! Even if you are at thousands kilometres distance from me, I can fell your love and concern and my heart beats now in the rhythm of cosmic togetherness we share...

I am linking this post to Shell's blog, please go and check it out!