Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday - Am I Invisible?

I am so glad it is Wednesday, because it is "Pour Your Heart out" at Shell's blog, and this is what am I going to do today. I gave Maya lots of toys to play with and I hope she'll leave me alone until I finish this post....Because, oh boy, I do have a lot in my heart and I just want to get rid of it...
So, here it goes...
I think that lately I am invisible...I mean, nobody answers my e-mails, nobody writes me e-mails out of the blue, you know, the "Just a quick note..." type. Nobody wants to befriend me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter...People forgot about me, my virtual bloggy friends had better things to do...Oh, this blog and all this virtual malarkey brought me so much joy! But now, it is only dissapointment...Nobody even reads this blog, no comments or suggestions, if they all deserted if I went invisible...I guess they all got bored by my cramped style, by my long strings of problems, pesimism and such. I know I was and continue to be stuck in a rut lately. Well, I've been a staying at home mum for four years and it drives me bonkers. We had a very difficult year with Maya being very sick twice and all the tests and MRI's and CT scans and hospitals and doctors and late night visits to the ER and high fever was such a difficult year, believe be on duty 24/7, no matter what...I still get up at night to check if my daughters breaths...I know she is fine now (knock wood) and it is time for me to move on. But I CAN'T...Not alone, not invisible...I need my virtual friends back...Maybe I did somethink wrong, maybe...I don't know...My posts haven't been lately what they used to be. I guess I'm pouring all my inspiration in the novel I am writing. Because, no matter what, I continue to write. Each and every night, until my vision blurrs, until may head hurts. After Maya goes to sleep, it is only me and the white pages (and the ocasionally internet search).
I know I am not a funny person, I mean, I don't write funny posts, nor inspirational ones. I don't do giveaways...well, I gave you my heart and look what you did with it...I don't do crafts or worksheets. MAybe I should.Maybe that's the secret of having a lot of friends and comments...
Anyway, if you do care, tell me please what I did wrong. If you are still my friend, give me a ssign. I really need you to help me become visible again...
That's it. I told you everything that bothers me, the things that hurt me most. The ball is in your hands now...

I am linking this post to Shell's "Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday". I know I did...

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Shhh...It Is Silent Saturday...

This is a kind of Silent Saturday post...I don't have many things to say today (well, actually I do have, I just can't express them publicly), so I'll leave you with a beautiful sunset and my equally gorgeous daughter...

Thursday, June 24, 2010


what are word for?Image by Darwin Bell via Flickr

My body is inscripted with so many words. My past, my present, my future, interwined, written in ethernal ink all over my skin, all over my being. I am so overwhelmed by the importance of the words in my life, I couldn't exist without them. So I feel compelled to reading them, randomly and in the right order, all over again. Like the Fate spinning the thread than sustains the mortals' life, I have to read my words in order to be alive.
Like a monk who prays incessantly I have to read and write my life's story. I verse, in prose, fragments, books, in the Latin alphabet, with Hebrew letters, in Braille, sentences with or without punctuation.
But while I am busy weaving the letters - black ravens picking at my heart- into finely crafted chains of words, why am I suddenly alone? Where did everybody go?

Everyone is born inscripted by God's hand, someone said. And with this thought, the burden is bearable, said the scribe...
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Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Me? I'll Just Go To Burry My Head in the Sand...

Individual ProtectionImage by kwerfeldein via Flickr

I didn't plan to write a post today, but I felt this....urge to share my latest here I am. First of all, I have to say a few words about a book I finished. It is called "Things Your Mother Never Told You", and its by Olivia Lichtenstein. And as I am crap at reviewing books I'll just paste here what "Goodreads" says about the book. If I am not mistaken, it is the book's blurb.

"'I hate you. When I'm a mother, I'm never going to be like you...' These words come back to haunt Ros, years later. As her marriage of twenty years collapses and her beloved twin sons prepare to flee the nest, Ros's world is tilting on its axis.It doesn't help that her dead mother seems to have taken up residence in her head, reminding her of things she once said.
As Ros tries to adapt to sharing custody of the family dog and life without her husband and boys in the house, she embarks on a new regime to stay sane: yoga, herbal remedies,internet dating. But as Ros is trying to find herself, the arrival of a memoir her mother wrote begins to reveal a woman she never knew, taking her on a journey into her mother's past that will change forever her idea of who she is. A sharp, funny and touching novel about the secrets mothers and daughters keep from each other. "

I just want to add, the book is fantastic! The heroine is in her forties and it was easy to relate to a lot of her trials and tribulations. I cried a lot while reading and when I finished the book I felt sad, like saying good bye to a good friend. I think this book will go into my "to be re-read" pile. Also, I know the author published another book (before "Things..." ) intitled "Mrs Zhivago of Queen’s Park" and if I'll find it on bookdepository I'm going to buy it, even though I know my husband won't aprove it, as we're were short of money at the moment... Anyhow, after finishing the book, I went to check Olivia L. on the internet and so I came cross her web side and her biography. Oh my God...I was ashamed of lady is something...OK, so in the beginning I said to myself I'll write more about this mother/daughter thing but now I don't want to do it anymore. Go and read Olivia Lichtenstein's book. She did a better job than I'll ever do, anyway... I'll just go to burry my head in the sand.We have plenty of that here...
I just want to add that I hope that between me and my daughter will never be any unspoken words and, no matter what one would say, I hope I'll do a better job raising her than my own mother did with me...

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Monday, June 21, 2010

Lazy Days of Summer

Summer is WaningImage by Storm Crypt via Flickr

It is so hot these days my brain has a jellyfish like consistency (and the same number of brain cells, for what matters). It is imposible to go outside during the day, the humidity makes the air hard to breath in and after a few minutes walking in the sun you feel like you're on fire...
So, what are we up to during this hot days? We stay indoors, turn on the air conditioning and read books, make puzzles, draw, play on the computer, watch TV, learn. Me and Maya, of course. If the weather permits we go outside in the evenings, although here, on the coast, in the evening the air is absolutely saturated with water and it makes Maya unconfortable.
For me, the best time is at night, after Maya goes to sleep. Then, I claim ownership of the desktop, do ab it of browsing and emailing and get to write for a while, until my eyes sting and I actually feel, like in slow motion, my head falling towards the table. My body got used to this rhythm and even if I try to go to bed earlier than one o'clock at night, I am not able to fall asleep.
I won't say I am bored, even though, believe me, I is not easy being a staying at home mom...But I am ever so grateful that Maya is healthy now (touch wood) that I am not complaining. I enjoy spending time with her and telling her about this big, big world around us, reading stories and teaching her...She absorbs everything like the driest sponge and I pleased to see her grow physically and intelectually. What more could a mother ask?
So, yes, it is hot and we're bored but we lay in the afternoons on our couch in the living room watching DVDs and eating ice-cream and the air is dry and cool on my baby's skin and I kiss the tip of her nose and wipe ice-cream from her rosy cheeks and I say a prayer of gratitude and ask God to stop that damn flotilla preparing to come from Lebanon.

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Monday, June 14, 2010

What is Wrong With This World???

'ThisImage via Wikipedia

I don't know how to start this post (well, actually, I wrote it , the whole flaming post, and mysteriously it dissapeared)...
Yesterday's events left me speechless, full of bitterness and other words ending in "ness". What happened, exactly? Well, one woman killed another one, in broad daylight, in our neighbourhood. Yes, you read it correcly. In OUR neighbourhood. The killer, amother of two, STABBED to death her neighbour. The victim was 8 months PREGNANT and a mother of three. And it all happenned because of a quarrell over spilled coffee...the lady just got angry and stabbed her neighbour, really, no biggie...
The victim was taken to the hospital and her baby was delivered by C-section while her/his mother was dying on the operation table.


What is wrong with this world?
In yesterday's paper I read about a father that was abusing her daughters' friends, another time about a father abusing her daughters. A father killing his daugher, another one killing his son. A mother drowning her son. A gang rape that went on for years. A sect whose members (mothers and fathers alike) tortured and starved their children in order to "teach" them "some discipline". All of it happening here, in this country, in this world.

Oh, I see...maybe I was abducted by aliens, and this is not the Earth, cradle of mankind, home of intelligent beings, but some savage planet, populated by angry, murderous mutants...Or maybe I am having a nightmare, and I'll wake up and everything will be as it should and I'll continue living in a world where love and compasion are the leading forces...
I feel a huge responsibility on my shoulders, towards my children. What was I thinking when I brought them into this world? How am I going to protect them from the beasts with human faces? I feel nauseated and helpless...
What is wrong with this world?
What is wrong with you people?
I feel I have to shout this over and over again, maybe somebody will hear me...
But, aside of all the capitals and exclamation and question marks, I think we have lost the battle with the darkness within...and it creeps on us, slowly, eating up our last traces of humanity...

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Sunday, June 13, 2010

Om Mani Padme Hum

Om Mani Padme Hum in Tibetan script.Image via Wikipedia

I seek the silence in the middle of this crazy world, that lost its equilibrium for ever.
Things like this help me go on...Thank you to Budha Bless, who posted this video first on Facebook.
Take a few moments to dwell in the tranquility of the mantra and the beautiful images...

Om Mani Padme Hum

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Saturday, June 12, 2010

Lost in Books

Angel or fairy?Image by sara.musico via Flickr

From time to time, for lenghty periods of time, I am reading. During these periods I suffer from a severe writers' block and I read like a woman possesed. Well, I've been going through such a period and I think it enters its final phase, as I feel more and more often the urge to write something...
I am actually pleased with the books I read (well, most of them) and even though I don't like to write book reviews (sorry Simcha!) I am going to share with you the books that kept me away from the computer.

I think I'll begin with Ilona Andrew's "Magic Bleeds", the 5th book in the Kate Daniels series. I like the author (it is actually a tandem of authors, wife and husband) and I love the series. If you're interested, I read an interview with them at All Things Urban Fantasy blog. Take a look...There is even a giveaway.

This is what Goodreads says about the book:

"Atlanta would be a nice place to live, if it weren’t for the magic. When the magic is up, rogue mages cast their spells and monsters appear, while guns refuse to fire and cars fail to start. But then technology returns, and the magic recedes as unpredictably as it rose.

Kate Daniels works for the Order of the Knights of Merciful Aid, officially as a liaison with the mercenary guild. Unofficially, she cleans up the paranormal problems no one else wants to handle—especially if they involve Atlanta’s shapeshifting community.

When she’s called in to investigate a fight at the Steel Horse, a bar midway between the territories of the shapeshifters and the necromancers, Kate quickly discovers there’s a new player in town. One who’s been around for thousands of years—and rode to war at the side of Kate’s father.

This foe may be too much even for Kate and Curran, the Lord of the Beasts, to handle. Because this time, Kate will be taking on family… "

Then, by chance I found Rachel Caine's "Morganville Vampires" , the first twoo books, on the Steimatzky's web site. Fell in love with them and read the other...I think I read 4 or 5 more, I don't remember exactly. Nice YA literature, with fangs...And in this series, the vampires are the baddies, as they should be...

Goodreads again: "From the author of the popular Weather Warden series comes the debut of an exciting new series set in Morganville, Texas, where you would be well advised to avoid being out after dark.

College freshman Claire Danvers has had enough of her nightmarish dorm situation. When Claire heads off-campus, the imposing old house where she finds a room may not be much better. Her new roommates don't show many signs of life, but they'll have Claire's back when the town's deepest secrets come crawling out, hungry for fresh blood..." Interesting, huh?

Speaking of vampires, I also read Jeaniene Frost's "First Drop of Crimson. If you like Frost (The Night Huntress series) you'll love this one, too.

Goodreads, what esle? - "The night is not safe for mortals. Denise MacGregor knows all too well what lurks in the shadows - her best friend is half-vampire Cat Crawfield - and she has already lost more than the average human could bear. But her family's dark past is wrapped in secrets and shrouded in darkness - and a demon shapeshifter has marked Denise as prey. Now her survival depends on an immortal who craves a taste of her.

He is Spade, a powerful, mysterious vampire who has walked the earth for centuries and is now duty-bound to protect this endangered, alluring human - even if it means destroying his own kind. Denise may arouse his deepest hungers, but Spade knows he must fight his urge to have her as they face the demon nightmare together...

Because once the first drop of crimson falls, they will both be lost."

And in the line of speaking about new authors that I discovered, turing this weeks of feverish reading I came aquinted with Kerrelyn Sparks's "Love at Stake" series. I read the first three and the eighth books from the series. Although the title of the last book might put you off - "The Vampire and the Virgin" , urgh, what did she think? all and all it is an easy read, summer, beachy novels...

Moving on...I read also "Angelology" by Danielle Trussoni. It started promising enough for me to keep reading, but at a certain point I got bored, it was a bit repetitive. But I finished it. This book reminded me of Dan Brown, only with angels.
The review offered by Goodreads is a bit flamboyant, I think, but here it is:

"A thrilling epic about an ancient clash reignited in our time- between a hidden society and heaven's darkest creatures

There were giants in the earth in those days; and also after that, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bore children to them.
Genesis 6:5

Sister Evangeline was just a girl when her father entrusted her to the Franciscan Sisters of Perpetual Adoration in upstate New York. Now, at twenty-three, her discovery of a 1943 letter from the famous philanthropist Abigail Rockefeller to the late mother superior of Saint Rose Convent plunges Evangeline into a secret history that stretches back a thousand years: an ancient conflict between the Society of Angelologists and the monstrously beautiful descendants of angels and humans, the Nephilim.

For the secrets these letters guard are desperately coveted by the once-powerful Nephilim, who aim to perpetuate war, subvert the good in humanity, and dominate mankind. Generations of angelologists have devoted their lives to stopping them, and their shared mission, which Evangeline has long been destined to join, reaches from her bucolic abbey on the Hudson to the apex of insular wealth in New York, to the Montparnasse cemetery in Paris and the mountains of Bulgaria.

Rich in history, full of mesmerizing characters, and wondrously conceived, Angelology blends biblical lore, the myth of Orpheus and the Miltonic visions of Paradise Lost into a riveting tale of ordinary people engaged in a battle that will determine the fate of the world."

I liked the cover, beautiful art...

I read also some chick lit, and I have to mention here Sinead Moriarty - "Keeping it in the Family, it is absolutely hilarious. Really, you have to read the book, it is chick lit at its best!
I almost forgot about Madeline Wickham (aka Sophie Kinsela). I read "The Gatecrasher" and liked it enough to look for more.

As you can see, I was pretty busy reading...I think I am going to take it easy now, I as feel a bit nauseous after I ingurgitated such a big amount of literature. I recommend you to try some of the books, you won't be dussapointed.
Have a nice week (here in Israel, the week begins on Sunday)!

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Saturday, June 5, 2010

Happy Birthday, My Sweet Baby!

Today my daughter Maya is 4 years old...I can hardly believe it...the times flies, it really feels as it was only yesterday my sweet baby girl was born. And now, look at her...she is the best kid any mother should wish for.

We had a great princess themed party and she was very pleased with her Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs decorated birthday cake.

I love you, Maya and may God give you health and luck and a long, happy life!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Good Bye, Angela, My Dear Friend!

Good Bye . . . Pick up your crazy heart & give...Image by NJ.. via Flickr

I don't have many friends here, in Israel. My family is scattered all over Europe, my BFF lives in Romania, I have virtual friends all over the world. That's why I'm holding dear my few friends I have in this country. And that's why I am so sad today. One of them is leaving in a couple of days. Angela is the sister of Maya's godmother and came to Israel a few years ago to earn some money in order to support her daughter through University. She worked with elderly people, being what is called here a metapelet, a caregiver. I am not going to tell you about the hardships of being a caregiver or how hard Angela worked or about the humiliation she had to endure. She came prepared for the worst, she's a fighter, my friend, because she is a mother. But her patience came to an end and no matter how good the money is, she decided to return to Romania. I understand her completely but that doesn't make me happy. She is a good friend, always will be and Maya, oh, Maya loves her so much...She'll be devastated.
It is so sad when we lose somebody close to us...Angi, I'll miss you so much! I'll miss your smile and your optimism and our conversations. You are a good person are deserved better and I know it is best for you to go...

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Tuesday, June 1, 2010

A Book that Will Leave You Breathless

'CoverCover via Amazon

I am always on the lookout for good books, for books that will amaze me, leave me craving for more. It happened with Harry Potter and the Twilight saga and Lord of The Rings and lately with Ilona Andrews. But today I finished reading "Push" by Sapphire (they made a movie, "Precious") and I was...I don't know...the book left me speechless and nauseous. I mean, it absolutely hits you right in the chest, leaving your breathless...I don't write book reviews but I'll have to say that this book will teach you a lesson or two. And the most important one is, in my opinion, be yourself. Accept yourself the way your are, and only after you did that you'll be able to move forward and heal.
It hurts to read a book like "Push" because it is so brutally honest and so unfair and so painful. But there is also hope, yes, Precious, the 16 year old black girl, with two children ( her father's children, also, can you imagine that?) illiterate, HIV positive, learns to read and write and even if she doesn't know if she'll be alive in ten years she dreams about becoming a writer maybe, and discovers who she really is, seeing herself in the eyes of her son.
If you didn't read the book, I strongly recommend it. It will show you thinks hard to imagine and it will shock you and fill you with rage, but it will show you that kindness and humanity are precious gems hidden underneath filth and their power will always shine through...

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