Shana Tova! Happy New Year!

From all my heart, to all of you celebrating the Jewish New Year, I wish you a sweet and happy new year, filled with happines and peace.

BACK

My dear, dear readers....don't be mad at me...there are some good reasons behind my prolonged silence on the bloggy front...just not ready to talk about them...I almost gave up on this blog...but then, after thinking about it, I realized it is one of the best things that happened to me in the past couple of years...so I will still be here, if you'll want me (well, even if you won't...).
What can I say?
In August we were in Romania, my homeland...and it was a sweet and bitter kind of thing....so glad to be there, to see my family and friends...to be able to understand what was going on...to be at home...the glitch was that I returned from there even emptier and hollower than I was before. It was like my inner being was carved out, leaving me breathless and desoriented...once more...
I swore to God I'd go back some day....
But today I'll draw some strenght from the memories of the beautiful places I saw...

Yhse are only a few pictures from the hundreds I took...But Blogger didn't want to work with me today, as I couldn't upload any more pictures. But not to worry...I'll find a way...

Let Sleeping Cats (and Kiddos) Lie

I don't think these pictures require captions or anything...as they are self-explanatory...I really envy our cat, though, she is able to sleep wherever she pleases and whenever she feels she should...

Summery Offerings To Say "Forgive Me"...

I am really sorry I am not a serious and perseverent blogger as I should be...I had so many issues going on that I forgot this blog is one of the good things in my life...And because you are the best readers a blogger could ask for, Maya and I went to the shouk and bought you some lemons and mint for a cold lemonade and a sweet mango for later.
We hope you all have a great summer!
And keep visiting our blog! I promise to at leas try and post more often...

So, What Do You Think We're Doing All Day?

Even if I have been so unwell (physically and mind-wise) don't you think, even for a second, that I haven't been fulfilling my duties as a mother. I try very hard to go on with our daily routine and for Maya to have a normal life...even if her mama is a bit...you know...gone with the fairies...
So, what are we up to these days?

Well, when it is too hot outside (oh, and in Israel this time of year can be very hot and humid) we build forts and castels

play with rice,

We make playdough pies and cakes

oh, and Maya likes to dress up, too...

We learn to read and write - thank you Carissa from 1+1+1+1, please visit her blog as she has some fantastic materials there!

We paint and draw a lot...

 as you can see, Dasha really appreciates Maya's creations...

During sunny mornings we make bubbles and three times a week Maya goes swimming!

And after all this hard work, one can relax...even if it means sitting in a basin...

...or eating a yummy pancake

We wish you all a great summer!

Life is Pain

I don' t know what happened to me lately, but it seems like all the illnesses in the world have found me. Eczema, allergies, all kind of pains, you name them, I have them... At the moment I have a very sore throat and I feel tired no matter how much time I sleep. I went to doctors, went for ultrasounds, blood work...the whole nine yards...Physically, they say I am OK. So why do I feel like this almost all the time? It can't be that all these symptoms are psycosomatic...my throat, for example...
Like the stanzas of a very soppy song, I repeat like a mantra that life is pain...no matter how hard I try, I am not able to get rid of the feeling of doom that follows me everywhere...It is summer, for God's sake, I am supposed to have fun with my daughter, not lie in bed, zero energy and naught motivation..
So I will try harder...I am so angry with myself that instead of living I am stuck somewhere in some kind of limbo, waiting for...waiting for what, exactly? Nobody is going to come to my rescue, not really...so I'll go and dig my Louise Hay book, I know I have it somewhere..."You can heal your life" it's called. Why not?
And I promise more optimistic posts in the future...

Summer Projects

As everybody in the blogosphere seems to be writing about summer crafts and activities, I will be no exception, as in the week-end we visited one of the nicest garden centers. It is situated in kibbutz Givat Brenner somewhere in the center of the coutry and if you ask me, I would really really want to go and live there...

One of our summer projects, mine and Maya's is to plant some sort of indoor garden, as we are living in an apartment that doesn't have a balxony. Yes, bad luck, I know...So we bought some dill, mint and thyme seeds, they assured us if we put them in a sunny enough spot they'll sprout. Fingers crossed. We also bought some catgrass seeds for our sweet Dasha, to make her her private, little garden...

I hope you enjoyed the pictures...
The hot, humid Israeli summer is here and this time, with God's help, I hope to make it fun and unforgetable...

Summer Giveaway!

My daughter is five years old now...Where did the time fly, tell me please?...Anyway, yesterday I was cleaning her closet and I discovered a few clothing items that she almost didn't wear...she grew so much, height and weight wise in the last year and a half I found myself giving away bags and bags of new clothes. This time I though maybe someone with a 2-3 years old daughter/niece/grand-daughter would like them...so we are having a giveaway!!!
We are giving away 3 sets and a short dress/T-shirt thingy, they fit a 3 years old girl and are almost never worn...
What do you have to do?
First of all, become a follower of my blog - this gives you one entry. If you are already one, you have two entries.
Then, twitter about the giveaway - two entries and
Blog about the giveaway - three entries.
Don't forget to leave a comment, telling me which outfit would you like to win.
The giveaway is open to everyone until the second of July, 2011.
Happy summer and good luck!

The Loneliness of Being an Immigrant

When I left Romania, almost 13 years ago, leaving behind family, friends and a career , following the call of my heart, I hoped for something better for myself. I was weary from raising a child on my own, I wanted a real family and if it waited for me on the other side of the world, so be it (or that's what I thought back then, deluded as I was and blinded by love).
Little did I knew that I would find myself caught between two worlds, uanble to fit in, unable to find my place...I think it is the sort of fate any immigrant would have, especially the ones opting for countries where the culture and religion are different from the ones they were born into.
I wanted very much to blend into the melting pot of israeliness. I learned the language, studied for a new career, the whole lot. I even wrote a book about the country before coming here. I knew more about its history than the locals, for crying out loud!. But nobody cared. They gave me annual tourist visas and then temporary resident status, even though I was married to an Israeli and already working here . The bank wouldn't issue cheques for me because I didn't have an Israeli ID. The Interior Ministry clerks would interogate me separately from my husband and ask me to bring photos to prove we were living together...I am surprised they didn't ask to see the bed sheets or...I don't know...I just swallowed my pride and moved on.
Of course, even the marriage wasn't what I expected to be...don't get me wrong, my husband is a honest, hard working man...but that summarises it for him...No fireworks, just you know, a river flowing towards the sea.
And that is fine with me, as well...
I have now citizenship and health insurance and a gorgeous daughter and food on the table and a nice apartment...and you know what...it is not enough...it will never be.
Because I know now I don't belong here. I am grateful, I get by...but that is it. When I touch a tree, it is but a tree for me...no special connection, no thrill. The desert is only sand and rocks and the sea is nice and wavy...but that is all...
I feel at home only at night, when I open my notebook and write about things long gone and forgotten, and I try to give a name and shape to my longing. And at least for a couple of hours I am somewhere else, somewhere magical...I am home...
Maybe I will never be able to publish whatever I am working at, and it is OK with me for as long as I have the illusion to keep me going, for the sake of my family and my children...
Why are you still here, you could ask...
Well, first of all because I owe it to my family. My son is trying to built a future for himself here (I brought him with me when he was 13, and shelfish as I was, I didn't think about his future when I chose for him), my husband has a career and a good job and I cannot ask them to leave everything just because I wasn't mature enough when I altered their lives with my decision to get married and come to live here. For once, it is not only about myself...
The things that hurt me most ar the fact that my family and my friends are (most of them) in Romania. Well, my sister is, and it is so difficult and frustrating to see her only a couple of days each year...I don't have many close friends, most of my friends are the internet type ones, I don't even know them personally.
I know there are many good things in my life and I am fortunate and blessed, but this is not the time to count my blessings...you know, there are times when you simply have to embrace the naked truth and to face the pain nested inside in order to understand and come to terms with the destiny.
And so I try to take every day as it comes, and even if I bleed inside I close my heart and keep my mouth shut and tell myself that everything happens for a reason and that this is my karma and I truly wish that when I'll die they'll burry me in the cemetery in Baia Mare, and then the circle will be closed and I'll finally have some peace.

I am linking this to Shel's

I Don't really Like Doctors Right Now!

Warning - if you are a doctor, don't read this blog post!
Because this is a post where I let off some steam and rant, rant, rant...and I don't really like doctors right now...
I had an epiphany some time ago, that said the only nice, human, profesional doctors are the ones in TV series. The same goes for nurses.I had so many bad, unfortunate experiences with doctors, beginning with the two ones that failed to see that my daughter was badly dehidrated and finishing with the family doctor that insisted I use a certain ointment even if I told her it won't help...
I try not to generalize, I am sure there are fairy-tale doctors somewhere, but not in my neighbourhood...Every time I need to go and see a doctor I am weary with dissapointment and I just want to go and see my acupuncturist. I don't even like my homeopath any more because he always tries to sell me certain products, even if are not the best or the most appropriate. But almost always, the most expensive...Why everything needs to be somehow related to money, money, money.?..
This time a very nasty dermatitis sent me to three (three!!!) doctors, until the last one finally gave my something that helped. Three doctors and a lot of lost time in waiting rooms...and it took the last one approximately five minutes to diagnose me and send me flying through the door with a prescription and the recommandation to see an allergologist.As if...I know the one that works for our HMO and she takes one patient every five minutes and you have to wait hours...
I have a lot of doctor stories to tell, but this one is beyond all the others: my former family doctor used to consult in two cabinets, he had her secretary put one patient in each room and he used to run (literally run) between rooms. He once prescribed me a medicine I was allergic to...well, it was deficult to concentrate between to patients with different ailments, the cheek of us! When I saw that I decided it was time to change doctors...
It also happened to me to meet several doctors that didn't speak Hebrew, only Russian, so it was impossible for them to understand what was wrong with me...Tragically hilarious...
Anyhow, I told my husband that I beg him to kill me if I will be old and sick because no way they are going to kill me trying to make me better...