Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Looking For the Power to Accept

PrayImage by frozenminds via Flickr I am trying very hard to keep it together these days. The aproaching new school year (tomorow is the first of September and the first day of school for the Israeli pupils) brings back only bad memories. If you've been reading my blog since, lets say, the beginning of 2010 you should know the health problems my daughter Maya had, combined with the dissapoinment brought by the Israeli educational system or, better the lack of it.
Last year destroyed me, humiliated me, beat me to the ground. I had to live for two months with the with incertanity, not knowing if my daughter's brain is OK or not. Before that, I spent my nights near her hospital bed, too afraid to sleep...what if she'll have one of her fits again? Even now, when she's sick, I cannot sleep at night, no matter how tired I am.
Yesterday we had some sort of meeting at Maya's kindergarten and that made things even worse. I learned that now there are going to be 35 kids in ONE group, with ONE teacher and ONE helper. It is madness, crazy, you name it! 35 five kids and one teacher? All together in a room that is no bigger than my living room, I swear. And only TWO toilets! Well, the things are getting worse, that's for sure. Last year, there were 31 kids in the kindergarten and I thought this year it couldn't be worse. Well, it is. They don't have enought tables for the kids and even if they would, there is not enough place for at least 8 tables and 35 chairs.
The only light at the end of the tunnel is that I can keep her for one more year at home, if I want. Kindergarten is compulsory in Israel only when kids are 5 years old. And believe me, I will use this for Maya's own good. I can enroll her in some afternoon activities, like drawing and dance and that's it. I can teach her everything she needs to know. This is what I've been doing for the past year anyway, thank you very much...
I hope to keep my sanity and my daughter safe. This prayer is helping me a lot:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.

It is Reihold Reinburh's "Serenity Prayer".
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