Maya is six today!

It is so hard for me to believe that my daughter is six years old! Oh God, how time flies...
Each day I praise the Lord for making me the happiest mummy in the world, the most blessed...

And even if she doesn't have a brother or sister to play with (as her brother is 26) she has Dasha, her cat...as you can see, they are together all the time...

Happy birthday, Maya! May your life be filled with laughter, happiness and joy!

Awarded!

The wonderful Deidra from A Storybook World honored me with this fantastic award:

Deidra is a professional writer and illustrator (the author of seven novels)
 as well as a professional speaker in various venues. In her words:

"Aside from helping other authors reach their dreams, Deirdra enjoys jousting in arenas, planning invasions, singing Celtic songs, horseback riding through open meadows, swimming in the ocean, hiking up mountains, camping in cool shady woods, climbing trees barefoot, going on adventures, and all forms of art, including martial arts."

Thank you so much Deidra, I really needed this to remind me of my path...as I am easily distracted by whatever Fate throws in my way...

Alphabet Bath

I thought that the coming of summer will mean less sick days for Maya...and of course, I was wrong. Last week she began feeling bad and ended up having a very high fever for two days and nights. Believe me, it was so scarry! Her fever wouldn't go down for more than, lets say,  one hour and then would spike up again.. It is most frustrating not to be able to help your child and to watch her going limp and feverish....The only thing that helped were long baths and we were lucky she likes water. And in order to make her stay in the bath longer I put into the water foam letters, in the beginning the ones in Hebrew, then added the latin ones as well, and numbers and all kinds of foam stickers and so we played , makking "alphabet soup" and fishing , even if it was 3 o'clock in the morning.
Now she is better, my sweet daughter and I wait for the summer holiday more that she does... 

Unfortunately, before this, something even worse happened...but about that, next time, now I have to go and play with Maya...

I Am So Worried

When I woke up this morning....it was just a usual Sunday morning: I was sick, my daughter was complaining of a tummy ache, the car wouldn't start, you know, the normal beginning of the week.
But then, I turned on my PC to read the news on line and everything changed...for the worse...I woke up to find out that we had the most bloodiest week-end ever, here, in Israel. No less than five murders had taken place, and in most cases, the criminals were young men. For example, in Beer Sheva, a 36 old man was stabbed by a group of youths, after he asked them to tone down the noise they were making...In Rehovot, another young man was chased in a public garden by other youngsters and was stabbed to death, in...but I'll stop here.
I am absolutely speechless. And worried. Since arriving here, 12 years ago, I witnessed the trasnformation of the Israeli society, from a nation of hot headed, proud and a bit naive people, into a society where violence is seeping into the everyday life like a most deadly virus. The Israeli youth is very violent and out of control, there is a big problem with the alcoohol consumption and so on.
I had been a high school teacher here and believe me, I know what I am talking about. One of my students, a sweet Russian girl was killed by her Turkish boyfriend, and she was 17...I still remember her smile...
And nobody is doing anything. I haven't seen policemen on the streets, on civil guards or anything...I am afraid to go outside at night because near our building we have a small park and every night teenagers go there and get drunk and sometimes I hear them shouting at each other in the wee hours of the morning...
I am a parent, I have two children...and even if my son is 26, I still worry for him ....As for my 5 years old daughter... Sometimes I blame myself for bringing her into this world...What should I teach her? What should I expect from the future?
I do what I have to do as a parent, a try to raise her the best I can...but what about the others? What about the society?
I was always a law abiding citizen and I was surprised, to say the least, when I learned about the attitude Israelis have towards the law...you know, if nobody catches you red handed....you're a good citizen, right? Well, this atitude came now and bit their backsides, if you'll excuse my French. All that live and let live became a huge national problem, because it is now translated into something entirely different, and it has FAILURE written all over it.
I know, there is the national security problems and the world wide crisis and we have the settlements and the religious and the extremists and the foreign workers, and so many problems, real or invented and blown out of proportion that we forgot what is happening in our back garden...
I am not going to say more, because I don't really know what is to be said, just read this article and weep. I did it.

http://www.haaretz.com/news/national/israel-shaken-by-five-murders-in-one-weekend-1.428504

Memories of Easters Past

As here in Israel today is a working, normal day, after I took Maya to the kindy (and I regret it now, I should’ve keep her at home with me, maybe I would've felt better), I ate alone my Easter brunch and remembered the ones from my childhood – the only nice memories that I have about holidays.

I recall our Easter breakfasts, our small kitchen and us, the four kids, around it, and the table heavy with food: dyed eggs, ham, spring onions, radishes, Romanian ricotta – "urda", the best ricotta there is, and "kash" – hard, unsalted cheese made from sheep’s milk and the home-made bread with a thick, crunchy crust. And the lunches, even better, sorrel soup with lamb and rice, stuffed lamb with new potatoes and lettuce. Then, the pound cakes, sweet and filled with nuts and sugar...  

After I grew up and left home Easter was never the same and now I’ve lost hope that it would ever be.

My husband, desperate to see me so sad and depressed every major Christian holiday keeps asking me what would really made me happy…And the truth is, I don’t know… I am aware that I cannot move back time and re-live the good times. I am stuck here, in limbo, between the past that haunts me and the present that doesn’t suit me at all.

But, enough of this, today is Easter and I going to wait until Maya gets home from the kindy and then we'll clink and knock Easter eggs until their shells break and we'll say "Christos a Inviat" - "Christ has risen" and I'm sure Maya will want to draw a picture of us...And we'll invent our own traditions, because I want Maya to have happy childhood memories too...

Happy Easter!

As we celebrate the Orthodox Easter, we dyed the eggs today, Maya was so happy! The package that Agy, my guardian angel has sent us didn't arrive yet ("Thank you", Israel Post) but I had some dye from last year so no problems here. 
This year we didn't bake any cake so I bought some Kulich - that's a Russian sweet bread made especially for Easter that got the thumbs up from Maya.
It is dificult to be far away from my family, and I feel this especially at holidays...but I am thankful for what I've got, and that's my children and my husband and the hope that some day...

Happy Easter!

North...in the Footsteps of Jesus

Last week I had a welcomed respite from all the stress of the past month, as we travelled to the North, in the Galilee. We stayed in Tiberias and visited the Christian holy places scattered on the shore of The Sea of Galilee - Lake Kineret for israelis.

We started our journey at Tabgha, you know, the place where Jesus multiplied the loaves and fishes as to feed five thousand people. That's the name of the church that was built on the site, The Church of Multiplication,

where we lit candles

and we admired the well conserved mosaics

Then, to Capernaum, where we had a special host, as you may see, much to Maya's joy...

Peter's church was closed, so we had to do with the ancient synagogue.

And of course, Maya was there...it fascinated me, my daughter near those ancient stones...

Capernaum was fantastic, so much history and Judaism and Christianity blended together...

But for me, the real surprise was the discovery of this gem, The Church of the Twelve Apostles, an Orthodox church and a fascinating place...

From there, of course, we went to the Mount of Beautitudes where Jesus delivered the Sermon on the Mount.

All in all, it was great and I got the chance to recharge my "spiritual" batteries, to last me until summer...

I Don't Want To Be a Hero....just to protect my daughter

It is quiet today, almost eerie I may say...We are "back to normal", "back to the routine", children are returning to schools and kindergartens. Well, not  mine. Maya is still at home. If today it will contniue to be quiet, witout alarms and rockets falling, I could take into consideration sending her to kindy tomorow. I just cannot forget easily. The events of the past days still linger in my conscience and I know for the next week we'll jump whenever we'll hear a louder sound and Maya will put her slippers near the entrance door, "just in case of a night alarm".

So, even if we suffer from cabin fever and the weather is nice we will stay indoors today. I don't want to be a hero, you see. I don't want to pretend everything is OK, because it isn't. It is not OK to live between aerian attack alarms, to have my live lived at the mercy of every rocket thrower in the Gaza strip. and to be very clear: they are terrorist. They terrorize my days and my nights and no matter what our government say, they have won this time. They send over 200 rockets and misiles to Israel, keeping a million people in their houses and shelters for four days.

Don't get me wrong, I am not for violence or war, God forbid, but I cannot also agree to live in this conditions until...until when, exactly?

This state, this world has leaders and I want them to sit and analyse and solve this situation, once and for all. For the sake of our children, for the future of this world...
And yes, I am writing about this and continue to write until I bore you all into action, because I am sick and tired of being by myself here,in this corner of the blogosphere ...I don't want your pity...just to hear me out and try to understand...and lend a shoulder....

I am linking it to Shel's "Pour Your Heart Out"

Check it out, it is awesome!

A Rocket Fell Near My House

What can I say, instead of the situation being better, it is worse...Today at noon a rocket fell near our building. We heard the huge boom and the building shook and filled with dust. We heard ambulances and the firefighters and I became histerical...three years ago another rocket fell on the building near ours and since then I panick whenever I hear the siren sounding a rocket attack.
I am so stressed my thoughts are sluggish and my whole body hurts. On top of everything, I've got the flu and I feel like s**t. Moreover, the fact that I have to run in the middle of the night in my pj's out the apartment in the stairway - it is safer than in our apartment, it doesn't help my illness.
I don't want to live like this anymore!!!
I want to be able to go out whanever I want, and not being afraid that a rocket will fall on my head. I want my daughter to have a normal childhood, I don't want her to know what is the "Iron Dome" or a Grad rocket, I don't want her to run whenever she hears a siren. I don't want to get used to this!!! I want the terror to stop...
I am watching the people that are working across the street, cleaning the mess the rocket left - all the shops' windows were shattered. When, I few hours ago we had another alarm, they run seeking shelter, and then continued with their task...
Somebody from the Mayor's office called us to ask if we need assistance, if Maya is OK. People are fantastic, working under this conditions.
I am scared and I ask myself, am I a coward to be afraid for my life and my daughter's?

About Rockets, Mantras and All What's in Between

I know...it has been a long time since I've been here. To tell you I have some excuses it would be lame, still...The month of February was "Sick Maya" time, and it continued up to the first week in March. My baby was sick, took antibiotics two times, and was coughing really bad. And you know me, my daughter is sick, I am sick. In between ilnesses I tried to write that God damned book I am working so hard at...it is like a curse, to finish the book....to finish the book, my new mantra.
Now I am the one with a bad case of flu, I think all the viruses Maya brought home from the kindy have finally caught up with me.
Oh, and the alarms...since Friday evening, we are bombed continuously, and if you remeber I said we don't have a "secure room" in the apartment, so we have to go outside the apartment in the stairway. During the day is OK, as we socialize with the neighbours, but at midnight, with Maya sleeping in my husband's arms, trembling from fear ans cold...not so much fun. So, my other mantra is "stay calm and don't panic for the sake of your child". The truth? I had enough! I am a non-violent person and all, but seriously...I don't want my life and my family's to be controlled by terrorists. It is like I am at their good will. They come home from the mosque, take the rocked thrower from the shed and play eenie-meenie to decide where to send the next Grad. And if it's Ashdod, well, bad luck for us...
But, concretely or "tachles" as they say in Hebrew, what can a simple person like me do? Besides trying to protect my sanity and my daughter? I dream of living on an island in the middle of the ocean...only with my luck, a tsunami would hit me there...
That's it for today. I will be writing more if, hopefully, we'll get out unscathed from this last Palestinian - Israeli confrontation. Even poor Dasha, the cat, is terrified when the siren sounds. She runs in zig-zag and hides under the bed and it took up the habit of sleeping with us...



  

I've been busy these past days, weeks, busy writing, sulking, being sick, taking care of Maya that was at home, with a sore throat and coughing.
But today things started looking up...and how could not, when I have this beautiful face and these gorgeous eyes to gaze into...

Today

Today I am happy...and sad...and because of this mixture of feelings that makes me one moment cry and the other grin like crazy, I am here, to share this state of mind of mine with you...
Why, you'll probably ask...
Well, because today it is my son's birthday! His is 26! Twenty -six, can you imagine that? My sweet, quiet and thoughtful boy is TWENTY SIX years old today!
Unbelievable...and still...
I remember like it was yesterday, the day I gave birth to him...It was a cold January, with a clear blue icy sky and a sun that gave you frostbite. When I took him home from the maternity he was bunddled in so many blankets, like a cocoon that whould become the most gorgeous buterfly, and my boots crunched on the frozen snow and I was so happy I could fly!
We went through a lot, me and my son. Since he was three and until he was 13 I raised him alone, me, a poor student that had to work to put food on the table, and he, the quiet and shy boy. We were a team and we succeded to live lots of happy years, even if it very hard sometimes.
And here we are now, mother and son, and he, a young man ready to fly, ready to live...and myself, torn between pride and sorrow, heaven and hell...
Happy birthday, my dear son!
May life by gentle with you and may you find happines and joy in all its moments...

Simply Writing

Yes, yes, I know, I've been AWOL for too long  - more than two weeks...But I have a good explanation, I really do: I have been using all my free time WRITING. As you may know, I am working very hard at a fiction book I began writing a few years ago. It is actually my second book, the first book I wrote was published some fourteen years ago in Romania (I wrote it in Romanian, of course). It is a non-fiction book about Israel. As a journalist I had been many times in Israel and I grew to love this tiny, fierce country, so at some point I gathered all my notes and added some historical facts, geography and such and "Between the Wailing Wall and the Central Bus Station" was born. Then, I fell in love, got married and emigrated to Israel. Worked as a teacher and had my daughter, Maya...Caught in the sticky ropes of everyday living and struggling I forgot about writing...and then, suddenly, this idea popped in my head. And I began writing. It is not an easy process, believe me. I am writing in English and it is harder and more difficult than it would've been if I were writing it in Romanian. But I am getting there and I am not giving up.
So, there...my excuse...
Also, we had our share of seasonal sickness, my and Maya and we also had some crazy, floody, rainy days...
And now I am off...writing, of course...
 

What to Expect from a Five Year Old Child...

Needless to say that as a mother I always try to do my best when it comes to my children. Well, my son Darie is old enough to look after himself (although I am still doing his laundry) but I am talking here more about education, about giving them some values to live by. Maybe I am out-of-fashion with my ideas, but I do think that you have, for example, to teach your child to be polite and to greet the neighbours and so say "Good morning" when they enter the kindy and to say "Thank you" when they receive something.
Maye I am overreacting, maybe I exagerate, but please, hear me out first and give me an advice, please!
My question is, what to really expect from a, let say, 5 (almost 6) years old kid? And I am talking here about Maya's collegues and friends from the kindy. Maybe I am the one that asks too much from them, maybe I am the one that is raising a freak...polite and well behaved, but still a freak.
For example, Maya has a "friend" at the kindy, same age, they know each other since they were aproximately 3...When we went to Eilat, Maya wanted to buy her and another girl a present. We agreed about something small (and not so expensive) so we bought both of them sea-shell decorated boxes. Maya was so thrilled and so she gave them the pressies as soon as she returned to the kindy...Now, her so called friend gave the box to another girl, just like that...Nedless to say, Maya was very upset and kept telling me that and also asking me why did her friend what she did. I, for the love of God, didn't know what to say...I mean, they are 5 yo kiddos, but still...I don't exactly know what I babbled to Maya because I didn't want her to be hurting and I knew I couldn't discuss with her like I would with a grown up...Maybe I should've confront Maya's friend, but I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. Still, I am asking myself now, what on Earth made that girl pass on the present she received from Maya...
There is also another girl, they are going to the same kindy only from the beginning of this school-year but know each other since they were babies, as we are neighbours. They played together in the park a lot when they were small...now, somehow, they wanted to continue with the friendship...but now the girk doesn't want to play or even talk (!!!) to Maya! Why? Well, last week we got some tickets for a movie from my husband's workplace, as a Hanukkah gift. I didn't ask Maya not to tell at the kindy, so she told her "friend" about it...And now the girl is not talking to Maya because, as she says, Maya didn't invite her to the movie as well... and Maya tells me that she is always at her  and making faces and refuses to talk or play with my daughter....Maya tried to explain that the tickets were a present and that the show was only for the people working with her dad. And truly, it was a kind of "closed door event" as we received popcorn, soft drinks, coffee and tea and doughnuts... Again, Maya is simply perplexed and sad, as she thought she had a friend in the respective girl...
So, what to do?
How to react?
What to expect from a five year old?
Is this kind of behaviour accepted for this age?
Am I ovverreacting?
Too many questions...and I really don't have the answers for them.
Nedless to say, my daughter is upset and it breaks my heart to see her hurting...

Please help me out and tell me what you think...
I am afraid that I am a bit rusty when it comes to  kids' social interaction and I fear I won't be able to help Maya when she will be older...
I want her to have friends, girl friends like I had when I was her age and to enjoy their friendship...
Oh, when it became life this complicated for a five years old?