I don't know what to do...I've been thinking about this blog, about blogging in general, about why people read blogs, stuff like that. Don't worry, I am not going to bore you with the details of my thoughts on the subject...What I wanted to say it is that I really had fun blogging. As you can see from my blog's name, since I came to live here I've been feeling very lonely in this country with which I don't have a lot in common. Before being what I am today, (an anonymous, common staying at home mother) I had a carrer, an identity. I was a journalist and enjoying it very much. But I was also very naive and didn't think that comming to a country which language is a nightmare to write in would mean an end to my carrer. I was so full of myself, so confident...Of course it didn't work out. And my enthusiasm was cut short also by all the humiliation I had to endure at the Interior Ministry, where I was only another unwanted addition to the non-Jewish population. Letting go of my dreams of journalism, I tried my luck at teaching English. Bad, very bad idea. It was a nightmare and I have to admit I felt relieved when I decided it is better to stay at home and raise my daughter. Don't get me wrong. I am still pleased with this decision, I enjoy being Maya's mother (although, because of my age -45, I encountered a few idiots that thought I was Maya's granny).
These having been said I must point out that this blog offered me the oportunity to say something and to be heard. I met people through it and it helped me cope during the awful period last year when we didn't know it there was something wrong with Maya's brain. It helped me, full stop. It its virtual world I was a virtual citizen.
But I guess the honeymoon is over. I guess I am to depressing for the reader's taste. Lonely, sad, confused. I think people had enough of me... Maybe it is the time to call it a day...I don't know what to do...It pains me to see that besides my good friend Hevel nobody comments any more. I know, I konw, there is not much to comment about. But that was a reaction to the lack of audience, I felt forgotten and put aside, so I reacted accordingly...
I still cling to my blog and maybe I could do it just for myself, no expectations, no high hopes.
I read all the articles that tell about how to increase your blog readership, how to write awesome blog posts, how to...this and that. But that is not me, not who I am. And what's the point of writing a blog if it doesn't reflect yourself...
There it is. I said it all All my recent fears and dissapointments. You know, I think it is posible one can be dissapointed by the audience, not only the other way around. Maybe I wasn't a good blogger because my readers where good, either. Why blame always the doer, the giver? O.K., that's enough. I don't want to offend anyone, but if somebody wasn't pleased with my production, why on earth didn't they say it out loud?
I'll let you know. Or not.
I am linking this to
Happy aniversary Shell!
Keep up the fantastic job you're doing and thank you for the oportunity to pour my heart out whenever I felt the need to...
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