Wednesday, March 16, 2011

It Will All Come to An End Today?

I don't know what to do...I've been thinking about this blog, about blogging in general, about why people read blogs, stuff like that. Don't worry, I am not going to bore you with the details of my thoughts on the subject...What I wanted to say it is that I really had fun blogging. As you can see from my blog's name, since I came to live here I've been feeling very lonely in this country with which I don't have a lot in common. Before being what I am today, (an anonymous, common staying at home mother) I had a carrer, an identity. I was a journalist and enjoying it very much. But I was also very naive and didn't think that comming to a country which language is a nightmare to write in would mean an end to my carrer. I was so full of myself, so confident...Of course it didn't work out. And my enthusiasm was cut short also by all the humiliation I had to endure at the Interior Ministry, where I was only another unwanted addition to the non-Jewish population. Letting go of my dreams of journalism, I tried my luck at teaching English. Bad, very bad idea. It was a nightmare and I have to admit I felt relieved when I decided it is better to stay at home and raise my daughter. Don't get me wrong. I am still pleased with this decision, I enjoy being Maya's mother (although, because of my age -45, I encountered a few idiots that thought I was Maya's granny).
These having been said I must point out that this blog offered me the oportunity to say something and to be heard. I met people through it and it helped me cope during the awful period last year when we didn't know it there was something wrong with Maya's brain. It helped me, full stop. It its virtual world I was a virtual citizen.
But I guess the honeymoon is over. I guess I am to depressing for the reader's taste. Lonely, sad, confused. I think people had enough of me... Maybe it is the time to call it a day...I don't know what to do...It pains me to see that besides my good friend Hevel nobody comments any more. I know, I konw, there is not much to comment about. But that was a reaction to the lack of audience, I felt forgotten and put aside, so I reacted accordingly...
I still cling to my blog and maybe I could do it just for myself, no expectations, no high hopes.
I read all the articles that tell about how to increase your blog readership, how to write awesome blog posts, how to...this and that. But that is not me, not who I am. And what's the point of writing a blog if it doesn't reflect yourself...
There it is. I said it all All my recent fears and dissapointments. You know, I think it is posible one can be dissapointed by the audience, not only the other way around. Maybe I wasn't a good blogger because my readers where good, either. Why blame always the doer, the giver? O.K., that's enough. I don't want to offend anyone, but if somebody wasn't pleased with my production, why on earth didn't they say it out loud?
That's it.
Decision time.
I'll let you know. Or not.

I am linking this to


Happy aniversary Shell!
Keep up the fantastic job you're doing and thank you for the oportunity to pour my heart out whenever I felt the need to...

7 comments:

Hevel said...

Now now now... I know others must be reading, too. It's just the commenting thing. Which is... odd. In this world of Web 2.0 no one seems to really have the web 2.0 mindset when it comes to plain bloggers... not really big name bloggers. And I'm guilty of not being a good commenter myself. :(

Shell said...

My blog is like my therapy. I need it.

But, I admit, I like it more when people come by and comment. But, what I've noticed is that the days that I have time to go visit and comment on others, I get more comments than when I don't. Have you tried that?

Sharnanigans said...

I think blogging in a lot of ways is a two way street, I have found if emerge myself in someone elses blog and they visit mine also it is easier to build lasting commenting virtual friendships :-)

Alone in Holy Land said...

Hevel, it is true. I always feel you like a real virtual friend and my day is always better when I know you visited...
Shell, you are the best, as usual. I also feel that my blog is my therapy, really.
And Sharni, you are right, as always.
I read a lot of blogs, I don't really comment very often, I think it is shyness, in a way. But I'll try and do it.

Anyhow, I've decided this blog is for me in the first place because as I said, it helps me cope.
And I am grateful for you, my friends. Who needs thousands of friends when a few good ones is all that it takes...

kmcaffee said...

We ARE reading!! I'm such a horrible commenter - I feel like everything I say is lame or cliche'. I do have two words though: Don't stop!! :)

antilopabongo said...

Hi there!
I am also Romanian and an ex-journalist. Unfortunately, we did not have the chance to meet in Romania simply because I was just beginning my career 12 years ago. Who knows, maybe I was one of the young enthusiasts you never noticed at the office:)
I can understand how difficult it must be for you. I am living in Sweden now. I emigrated under different circumstances, but I still feel out of place sometimes. I still hope I´d be able to get a job in TV here someday, but... Until then, I must settle for a more ´normal job´.
I am sorry I discovered so late this blog, but I promise I shall keep on reading it. Please write more about your life as an immigrant in Israel. It is so interesting!
Best to you and a lot of ´shalom´ at heart!

Alone in Holy Land said...

Hi there, antilopabongo and welcome to my blog! Thank you for commenting and following...
Please return often!
I hope you'll find the dream job....I know that once you've got the journalistic bug you never get rid of it...