Wednesday, March 30, 2011

A Can of Worms (More of a Box, Though)

A visit from the Easter BunnyImage by aussiegall via Flickr I promised myself I won't be going there, to that place that makes me sad and nauseous. But I cannot help it, I mean, spring is here, Easter in coming and I feel alone and abandoned. I don't want to depend on the kindness of strangers again, like it happened last year - thank you again, Agnes! but it seems that will be the case. I am living a dilemma, and between that and all my other problems, it is not easy to be me these days. Let me explain. On one side, I am a Christian living in a Jewish country. I don't complain about the country and its people, I've grown to love being here, even though everything is so different and alien, sometimes. I will never feel at home here, but I can cope with this, there are bigger problems in life (like the permanent state of iminent war or danger that you sometimes feel here). The problems is that around the major Christian holiday it just hits me. I become homesick with a vengeance. I miss all the things that we did at home, during Easter and Christmas, I miss the feeling, the atmosphere, the friends and family. Oh, and the internat id full of it, Easter bunnies, egg crafts, books, chocolate eggs, the whole lot. And here I don't have anything. Nada. Ziltch. Last year I bought a lot of chocolate eggs and bunnies that I found at a candy store (after the Easter holiday, of course) , oh, I was so happy, the products were even discounted. But, the idiot I am, I put them away in a carton box in a cupboard. Of course, when I checked them a couple days ago, they were full of WORMS!!!!! And then I lost it. I've been crying since - I am an idiot, I know, I think I should've put them into the refrigerator, but I barely have space for the everyday food stuff. On the other hand, we live here. My daughter goes to the kindergarten and she has Jewish friends. Not everybody is open and peachy about their kids having Christian friends...And I don't want my daughter to fell different. We celebrate all the Jewish holidays, as well, I personally fell their are mine, too, because Jews and Christians have a common past, the one described in the Old Testament. My daughter knoes about Santa and the Easter bunny, but I tried not to add the religious connotations to the holidays, not yet, anyway. As I said, I don't want her to fell different or, Heaven forbid, be isolated because of me. So, you see, not easy. On one hand, my beliefs, my memories, my identity, on the other hand, the happiness and well being of my daughter. I personally think you have to aknowledge who you are and not be afraid of it. But, as there is always a but, (in this particulary case thare are many buts) there are enough extremists and idiots around us to make me cautious. At this moment, I don't have a solution to my problems. I hope time wil help me see the right course of action. I am sure my daughter will have better answers, someday. Until then, I can only to take my uncertainties here, on my blog, and write about them. It helps, in a sense... And of course, because it is Wednesday, I am linking it to to darling Shel's
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6 comments:

Bogaranty├║ said...

Funny you post this, just today as I was running to the store for some food I realized that the Easter displays and candy were up and my first thought was... Maya!

Do the bunny ears still fit?

I'm on the Hungarian postal service homepage right now, looking for flat envelope rates. So no hollow things this year either, but will see what I can do. Do you need egg dye?

Bogaranty├║ said...

So if you hhave any preferences, I think I can do up to 1kg in a huge envelope... so let me know what would you prefer!

Heather said...

What strikes me about your post is that my kids live in the U.S. and are still not supposed to indluge in any "Christian" holidays at school. No Christmas songs, no Easter crafts. Weird.
I hope your homesickness is cure soon.
(Sorry about the worms!)

Shell said...

I'm sorry that you feel so loney at this time of year.

But, this tells me that your faith is something that is important to you. There are many Christians I know here who treat Easter like it's just another day.

Alone in Holy Land said...

Ago, you're not seriously thinking about sending Maya something for Easter this year , too? I think you may be her fairy godmother, aren't you?
Heather, I really didn't understand your point. I read the comment a few times, but...no.
Shel, you're sweet and on the spot, as always!

antilopabongo said...

It wouldn´t help either if you were living in another Christian country. Sweden is Christian, but you do not feel the holidays here. Everybody stays indoors for Xmas and Easter, empty streets and a disturbing atmosphere of isolation. Last Xmas I felt glad I could hear some Xmas song played by a gypsy band outside the main department store. Otherwise, it would have been just another winter day. I do not expect Easter to be different. Sure, one can find chocolate eggs in the stores, but the weather is still winterish, unlike the Easter weather we knew from Romania. Dull and sad to be an immigrant, I´d say:)