A Can of Worms (More of a Box, Though)

Image by aussiegall via Flickr I promised myself I won't be going there, to that place that makes me sad and nauseous. But I cannot help it, I mean, spring is here, Easter in coming and I feel alone and abandoned. I don't want to depend on the kindness of strangers again, like it happened last year - thank you again, Agnes! but it seems that will be the case. I am living a dilemma, and between that and all my other problems, it is not easy to be me these days. Let me explain. On one side, I am a Christian living in a Jewish country. I don't complain about the country and its people, I've grown to love being here, even though everything is so different and alien, sometimes. I will never feel at home here, but I can cope with this, there are bigger problems in life (like the permanent state of iminent war or danger that you sometimes feel here). The problems is that around the major Christian holiday it just hits me. I become homesick with a vengeance. I miss all the things that we did at home, during Easter and Christmas, I miss the feeling, the atmosphere, the friends and family. Oh, and the internat id full of it, Easter bunnies, egg crafts, books, chocolate eggs, the whole lot. And here I don't have anything. Nada. Ziltch. Last year I bought a lot of chocolate eggs and bunnies that I found at a candy store (after the Easter holiday, of course) , oh, I was so happy, the products were even discounted. But, the idiot I am, I put them away in a carton box in a cupboard. Of course, when I checked them a couple days ago, they were full of WORMS!!!!! And then I lost it. I've been crying since - I am an idiot, I know, I think I should've put them into the refrigerator, but I barely have space for the everyday food stuff. On the other hand, we live here. My daughter goes to the kindergarten and she has Jewish friends. Not everybody is open and peachy about their kids having Christian friends...And I don't want my daughter to fell different. We celebrate all the Jewish holidays, as well, I personally fell their are mine, too, because Jews and Christians have a common past, the one described in the Old Testament. My daughter knoes about Santa and the Easter bunny, but I tried not to add the religious connotations to the holidays, not yet, anyway. As I said, I don't want her to fell different or, Heaven forbid, be isolated because of me. So, you see, not easy. On one hand, my beliefs, my memories, my identity, on the other hand, the happiness and well being of my daughter. I personally think you have to aknowledge who you are and not be afraid of it. But, as there is always a but, (in this particulary case thare are many buts) there are enough extremists and idiots around us to make me cautious. At this moment, I don't have a solution to my problems. I hope time wil help me see the right course of action. I am sure my daughter will have better answers, someday. Until then, I can only to take my uncertainties here, on my blog, and write about them. It helps, in a sense... And of course, because it is Wednesday, I am linking it to to darling Shel's