Thank You God for the Miracles!

I didn't want the title of my post to sound too exagerated, or grandiose but believe me, it isn't. Read away, and you'll see. But before that, please, overlook grammar or syntax mistakes, now that everything is fine I feel as if I'd run the marathon (and won) - shattered, but in a good way...

The events stared to unfurl on Thrursday, when I took Maya home from the kindy and saw she wasn't feeling well. Maya is a higly active child and you can see from a distance when she is sick, because she is too quite and settled. The diagnose was unforgiving: a bad case of throat infection that needed antibiotics. She also had a very high fever - around 40 C...After we came home from the doctor's office I gave her Nurofen and left her with my husband because I had to go and buy the antibiotics...I ran like crazy to the pharmacy, I returned home and began the grueling task of convincing Maya to drink the medicine...You have to know Maya personally to understand she is a very stubborn child, she sometimes decides she doesn't like or want something and nothing in the wide world would convince her of the contrary. And that's the sotsituation with the antibiotics. She doesn't have a problem with taking Nurofen or different types of cough syrup, or Echinacea... she even took fish oil once! But with antibiotics - she throws them up (food for thought - maybe next time I'll ask for injectable antibiotics, end of story).

Anyhow, of course nothing worked and finally she vomited the syrup and that sent me on a spyral of panic and fear. I didn't know what to do, if to give her another full dose...so I tried to call the nurses' office, no answer, so I ran again to the closest doctors's office to ask somebody for an advice...

And in this amalgam of feelings, panic and stuff I forgot about our cat. She just wasn't in the picture, Maya was more important...so, sometime around 9 o'clock in the evening I asked my husband if he saw Dasha, our cat, Maya's pet and furry friend...After receiving a negative answer we looked for her...everywhere, we searched every corner and nook of the apartment , but no cat. Maya started crying hot, feverish tears...and that was the beginning of the nightmare....

Firstly, we had no idea how on Earth she could've get out. It is true, she is fascinated by birds and pigeons and open windows, but we also have blinds at our windows and everything was shut in the house...the most credible theory was that she somehow sneaked out when I opened the front door and because I was in a hurry I didn't notice her...

I don't think I have enough words to describe the following nights and the day between them...We looked everywhere, we combed the neighborhood and the building, we put up posters, talked with the neighbors...we went the whole nine yards, while looking after a sick child...I didn't sleep or eat, I think I survived solely on adrenaline...

But, because there is a God above us all Who performs miracles...On Saturday morning, Dasha's former owner came to help us look for her...and she found Dasha!!! She was outside the building, on the second floor, curled on the roof that protects a sort of small balcony where the people hang their laundry. The problem was they couldn't reach her, she didn't want to move and we were afraid she was baldly hurt (the building has seven floors). The only thing that came into my mind at 7 o'clock on a Shabbat morning was: firefighters...My husband said they wouldn't come but I called them nevertheless, because you wouldn't know until you've tried...And what do you think? They came!!! With a very long ladder and they rescued Dasha!!! And what is most amazing is the fact thet she wasn't hurt, not a bit; scared, yes and in shock and a bit dehydrated but otherwise FINE!

After around 36 hours of tension and fear and fever and tears, we found her! And Maya is feeling better too!

Thank you God, what is it more to say?

Maybe there a few thank yous , to Karina, the "cat whisperer" who found Dasha, to the firefighters who came so promptly and to all our friends who supported us, listened to us and simply helped us get through such difficult hours...

And why did I write "miracles" (in the plural) in the title? Because I am sure now that God perfomed many miracles in our lives and I am certain we'll see some more...

Good Wishes, Eggs and a Bit of Nature

This year Passover and Easter got interwined somehow and we made the most of both holidays (well, Maya did because I had a very bad biliary colic). After eating lots of Passover matza with chocolate spread we moved on to dyeing eggs and decorating the house, we even had time for a trip to the Latroun monastery, for a bit of nature and fresh air...

Happy holidays, whatever they are...

I think every mother tends to define herself through her kids. And because I don't have a lot going on in my life at the moment, I find myself a satellite of my daughter. I like it, as it gives me a direction, even though Maya's need towards independence is growing stronger.

Anyhow, today is not about parenting or sad thoughts about kids growing up. Today is about what was Maya up to lately...

Firstly, because of this alarms stuff she is a bit obsessed with the subject. As I said, she is afraid at night but on top of it, she wants to be prepared. She asked me to write an "announcement" for her father and she kept it tucked into her pj's pants. The texts is in Romanian and it says something like "Tibi, if there is an alarm, take Maya in your arms. Go outside and stay there until the end of the alarm"(more or less).

She is also very artistic lately. Because we keep our arts and crafts supply handy she goes and takes whatever she needs and spends a lot of time gluing, painting, drawing. She also likes plasticine a lot. And of course, almost everything she creates it has to be cats or dogs related. Not to forget her father. She loves him so much it makes me jealous. Today, for example, she was looking at our civil marriage pictures and she started crying because : "Daddy kisses you in this picture and I want him to kiss only me!"

Not fair (sigh) but who says anything about motherhod and fairness?

I really do hope this will not become a routine for us: the air strike alarms. We had another one yesterday afternoon and two rockets fell, one of them really close from our building, all the windows rattled and it filled us with dread once again.

Every evening now before going to bed Maya complains she is afraid and she has to snuggle close to us with half of her stuffed toys and she needs stories and calming music to settle down and fall asleep.

I hope we won't become another Sderot - the Southern israeli city where alarms and falling rockets are part of their daily life because I don't think my frazzled nerves could go though this. I always try to put a brave face for Maya I find myself shaking inside, my inards jelly like and my knees weak.

I am sorry to said that, but we are dealing with terrorists here. They are terrorists, and they are hurting us and their own people as well - yesterday the rockets were launched from a highly populated area in the Gaza strip, this way if the IDF would've strike back they would've hurt a lot of civilians. And whose fault would've been?

I want all this to stop! Many friends asked me what is keeping me here, why won't I leave? The truth is, I don't want to leave. I grew to like this place, its people (crazy, outspoken and loud), my daughter was born here, my son found love here...Somehow, it became my home, too. I know, sometimes it doesn't feel like home and I wake in the middle of the night thinking I am trapped in a windowless room...but still, I am trying very hard to make myself a life here. And I won't run away at the first siren. Actually, if the things get indubitably pear shaped I'll flee (at least for a while and for Maya's sake, I don't her to become neurotic because of the alarms).

The truth is, I am not sure I would be able to return and live in Romania. Things have changed so much there in the past 10 years or so...And people too.

*The picture shows the peaceful Shabbat afternoon. I hope no rockets will shatter it for us.

Let The Pictures Speak For Me Today

I am not in the mood to write.Even though we have a beautiful spring day today, I am sad and nervous. Today is definitely not my day.

And even though the temptation to hide in a dark corner and whine for a while is great, I won't do it. I'll share some gorgeous pictures instead. Prince, the tomcat, Dasha's father, came to visit. He will be with us for two weeks, so Maya is in cats' heaven.

It Is Raining Rockets in Southern Israel

I am tired and pissed of. At 3.44 this mornig the alarm sent its high-pitched low-piched howls and we jumped out from our bed like puppets on springs. I was shacking with panic and fear, Maya's teeth were chattering and we stood, barefood, outside our flat. After we heard the rocket falling (we actually heard its "boom") we returned to the house but after a couple of minutes another alarm sent us running back outside.

We couldn't fall asleep afterwards. Maya was repeating "I am afraid, ima" "I am cold, aba!" and I swallowed my own fears and tears to comfort her.

This event is one in a chain of bombings that shook the south of Israel all Friday (all day long and well into the night) at it comes after on Thursday Hamas hit a school bus with an anti-tank missile. It could've been a bloodbath, fortunately the children had desembarked the bus a few minutes before. One kid that wasn't quick enough is now fighting for his life...They said the Hamas hit the bus at close range and they knew the bus was carrying children. So, they knew what they were doing and also were clear about the implications of a strike on children under the already very tense situation.

I am so tired my brain is fuzzy and I cannot think straight. All I can think about is the security of my children, about my life here...I will write more on the subject after I'll calm down a bit...

And you know what? Our next apartment will have a secured room, I don't inted to spend my nights shivering in the cold halls of buildings.

Note: the two pictures that you see here are the ones from the bombed bus. You can see all the windows are broken and yes, there is blood on the stairs of the bus. The pictures are copyrighted, they belong to ynet, the best source of israeli news (in my opinion, anyway).

What Are Friends For?

This morning, on our way to the kindy, Maya and I saw this peaceful morning scene. I couldn't help myself and had to snap a picture. I could almost hear the dialogue:

"- I couldn't open my eyes this morning , thanks for the coffee, buddy.

- Well, that's what friends are for....Rough night, huh?

- Don't ask...You know that nice tabby? I had to serenade her all night....and what did I receive? One kiss..."

So Many Thoughts, So Little Time

Do you know the feeling when you have so much stuff going on (mainly in your head) that you don't have like, five minutes, to sit and gather your thoughts? Well, if your answer is "yes" then you understand what I am talking about...

This past week was so crammed with things and I was so emotional (God knows why....hormones? Premenopause?) that I wasn't able to even organize my thoughts, let alone write about them. Yes, I am being a bit unclear and I do apologise, but you'll find all about everything that's going on in my life an the appropiate moment. I don't want to write anything while my emotions still run high...

Mainly, it is about my fears that Maya is hyperactive, but I don't want to say anything on the subject until our visit to a psychologist. For now, the doctors and medical staff are on strike, so they don't make appointments to specialists as they don't know the outcome of the protest.

Then, we are thinking about going on holiday to Romania this year and it is so expensive my teeth hurt when I think about the amount of money it will cost us. And I don't think there will be any more visits it the future. At the price we're paying we could travel anywhere in Europe...

I was also thinking a lot about me and my future. No matter how much I enjoy being a SAHM, enough is enough. I am not getting younger....and with a demanding child like Maya all my plans for the future are on the back of the back burner for now. On the other hand, I feel I had a responsability for my child to give her my best....the pressure is so high, the society demands so much from us. Sometimes I would like to be able to just leave civilization and go live...I don't know...somewhere nice and quiet. Are there places like that on Earth?

I am so confused, you see. On one hand, I would like everything to be simpler, on the other hand, I have to keep up with everything for the sake of my kids. And I cannot even say I'll rest when Maya will be all grown up, because probably I would be dead by then...

And I still didn't give up hope on my writing. I scribble away whenever I can, mostly at night and believe me, this and my kids are the only things that keep me going...

It felt good, writing all this. Thanks for listening.