So Many Thoughts, So Little Time

Do you know the feeling when you have so much stuff going on (mainly in your head) that you don't have like, five minutes, to sit and gather your thoughts? Well, if your answer is "yes" then you understand what I am talking about...

This past week was so crammed with things and I was so emotional (God knows why....hormones? Premenopause?) that I wasn't able to even organize my thoughts, let alone write about them. Yes, I am being a bit unclear and I do apologise, but you'll find all about everything that's going on in my life an the appropiate moment. I don't want to write anything while my emotions still run high...

Mainly, it is about my fears that Maya is hyperactive, but I don't want to say anything on the subject until our visit to a psychologist. For now, the doctors and medical staff are on strike, so they don't make appointments to specialists as they don't know the outcome of the protest.

Then, we are thinking about going on holiday to Romania this year and it is so expensive my teeth hurt when I think about the amount of money it will cost us. And I don't think there will be any more visits it the future. At the price we're paying we could travel anywhere in Europe...

I was also thinking a lot about me and my future. No matter how much I enjoy being a SAHM, enough is enough. I am not getting younger....and with a demanding child like Maya all my plans for the future are on the back of the back burner for now. On the other hand, I feel I had a responsability for my child to give her my best....the pressure is so high, the society demands so much from us. Sometimes I would like to be able to just leave civilization and go live...I don't know...somewhere nice and quiet. Are there places like that on Earth?

I am so confused, you see. On one hand, I would like everything to be simpler, on the other hand, I have to keep up with everything for the sake of my kids. And I cannot even say I'll rest when Maya will be all grown up, because probably I would be dead by then...

And I still didn't give up hope on my writing. I scribble away whenever I can, mostly at night and believe me, this and my kids are the only things that keep me going...

It felt good, writing all this. Thanks for listening.