Image by brutapesquisa via Flickr I've lost my drive, totally and completely. Don't want to write anymore, not the book, not the blog. Don't really want to do anything, maybe stay in front of the TV watching "Hell's Kitchen". In the morning I take Maya to the kindergarten and then I just spend my time by waiting for the time to pass and to go take Maya from the kindergarten...
What is happening to me? I wake up in the morning and I am already tired. At night, I cannot sleep and I just lay awake staring at the ceiling and counting Maya's breaths. And worrying, and trying not to think about the bleack present and the more not-so-appealing future.
I've reached a point in life where, I think, I have to make a decision. Do I accept being a house wife, staying at home mother that does nothing in particular, isolates herself and pities herself? Or I try to regain some of my energy, motivation and such? Hmmm, tough decision.
I remember, back in my youth I finished University being a single parent and working full time as a journalist. And now, look at me! I mean, I have to take a long, hard look at myself in the mirror and maybe slap myself in the face. Wake up, or go to sleep forever...
Is this a major existential crisis that I am going through? Is this the beginning of middle age? This is the way an unhappy, unsatisfied person looks like?
What is happening to me? Menopause? Hormones? Too little excitement in my life? Too much honey cake?
I really don't know what is happening to me...all I know it is that I have to snap out of it or everything is going to the dogs...
Sweep Of the Blade: Chapter 13 Part 2
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