Anyone to Lend Me a Shoulder to Cry on?

Image by ashley rose, via Flickr

Today I am going to moan BIG TIME, so please bear with me...My sweet daughter is sick again. I tried to protect her as much as possible, but with so many sick kids at the kindergarten and horrendous hygiene it was only a matter of time until she got sick again.
After the health problems she had back in January, I thought a lot whether to send her to the kindergarten or not. I chose a compromise, meaning 3 days per week at the kindergarten, the rest at home. Even with this arrangement, she was still mostly at home, on account of being sick...I really don't know what to say, what to do....
Not that she learns anything there...I'm sending her because of the company - she loves being with kids her age, and because she learns Hebrew. Apart from that...I was surprised, in a bad way, that they didn't learn anything about Earth Day...I know the accent is put on tradition and religion (even if the kindergarten is a secular-state owned one) and that's OK with me. But I would've want the kids to be taught other things, as well. Earth Day is an important day and it should be treated accordingly. Of course, Maya and I talked about it. The beginning of the conversation went like this:

Me: Maya, do you know what day is Today? It is Earth Day!
Maya: No, mummy. Today is Thursday!

See what I mean? Afterwards we talked about it and at 8 o'clock in the evening we turned off the lights, even if Ashdod (the city where we live) didn't participate in the national celebrations....We watched on TV the backwards counting and how Tel Aviv went all dark...

Today, because Maya didn't go to the kindergarten I called them and the dialogue was something like this:
Me: Good morning, Ramona, Maya's mother speaking...
Somebody: SO?
(yeah, it was the teacher's helper substitute, a very "well educated" and "polite" person, as you can see. I am sorry I'm not able to replay somehow the bored tone in which she answered...)
Me: I am calling to tell you that Maya is sick...etc...etc...
SO, what to do you expect???

Oh God, I am so pissed off. And on top of everything, I am not feeling well, either. But there is nobody to make me a tea, to buy me medicine, as I am alone as usual. Alone, alone, alone. Nobody to take the burden from my soul, nobody to tell me it is going to be all right, nobody to give me a shoulder to cry on. So I just cry and this feeling of emptiness is burrowed in my chest once again. Sometimes I wake up at night and my heart cringes with fear and pain. I watch my children sleep and I pray to God to give me strenght and keep them healthy. With the rest I can cope...

I Am Still Here (Somewhere)

Image by stefaniav via Flickr

I don't have much time, so I'm not in for a long visit. Maya is still sick and these last days have been pretty hectic, with visits to the ER and doctors and fever and medication and stuff. I am eating and typing now and I am so exhausted my vision is blurry. I didn't eat, sleep, live much these days. Thank you Angel, Zorin and Marilyn for you nice words, it is good to be heard...
I am alone in this race, I gave everything I had and I'm just standing here, bared to the bones, tired and hungry, for food and love and hope, and a better tomorow...I am alone is this race and there is nothing exhilarating about it, just me, running towards something that I am not sure it does exist, just me, breathless, scared, desoriented...

I Spoke Too Soon!

Image by [Adam_Baker] via Flickr

This happens to me a lot...As soon as I write/say something about how happy/content I am that Maya is healthy and well...Maya gets sick. It happened again...This morning I saw some tiny blisters on her feet, but I thought she got them because of the sand in her trainers (see one of my previous posts) and socks that are not 100% cotton; her skin is very sensitive. Well, this evening after the shower, when drying her, I saw that she's got more blisters on her feet and also on her palms. I checked her mouth also and surprise! Blisters! So, if I am not mistaken, she's got hand-foot-mouth disease. Strangely enough, no fever. I now that ussually, before the blisters appear the kids have fever. Not that I'm complaining that the poor chick doesn't have it...
So, tomorow, is doctor for her, doctor for me. As I don't have anybody to help me, I have to take her to my GP and then I'll go to her ped. Her doctor works only mornings on Thursdays and then only on Sunday and I really don't like to take Maya to another pediatrician. I am not very thrilled to have to spend time with Maya in GP's offices and pharmacies, but I'll be prepared, with crayons and coloring books and mango juice (her favourite) and...even chocolate, if I have to. When she gets bored she's a nuissance. A morning at the doctor's! What a fun way to begin your day! I am not complaining though...it could be worse...

I Don't Fell Like Blogging...

Image by Brandon Christopher Warren via Flickr

I really don't fell like writing now...Maya is still sick, still has a temperature, I am still worried, so nothing new. I took her today to another doctor, you know, for a second opinion...Well, sometimes I just ask myself, why in the name of God are this guys doctors? They're in only for the money? He checked Maya for something like 3o seconds and told me there is nothing "we" can do, just wait and keep her temperature down...Then he dismissed us, almost like sending us outside with a kick...you know where...Thank you for nothing, mister...I hate this type of doctors, especially pediatricians...During the entire visit (a few minutes) Maya kept telling me in Hebrew:" Mummy, I'm scared". I thought she would, the way Mr. Scary Doctor looked at her...
The reason I like Maya's pediatrician is because she knows to empathise, she knows how to talk to kids so they're not afraid, she knows how to talk to us mothers, when she knows we're also scared wittless when our children are sick. But she works only a couple of hours in the morning and a couple in the evening (she is a sort of semi-retired), so when we have an emergency and she isn't in her office, I have to take Maya to Mr. Idiot, Look at Me I am A Doctor or other idiots like him. I am sorry, I usually write more politely, but today at the doctor's...and I hate when my kids suffer and I am frustrated because there is not much I can do...
So excuse me guys if I am not good company today, but until Maya is sick I cannot concentrate on anything else, I don't sleep much so I am very tired...
But I won't finish until I'll tell all my Jewish friends a Happy New Year, Peace and Prosperity!

I Just...

Maya, my baby, is sick. Again. For two days she has had a high fever, we took her for blood tests, the doctor said is an infection and she put her on antibiotics... I hope to God the fever will subside because I cannot bear to see her like that, feverish, glassy eyes gleaming with a sort of artificial light, like a a lamp was turned on behind her eyelids...I cannot bear to hear her crying and tossing and turning in bed, I want to take on myself all her pain and suffering, and to see her sweet smile again.

It frustrates me to death that I cannot to much to confort her, and sometimes it is very difficult to make her understand that taking her dose of Nurofen will make her feel better. She hates to drink the sickly sweet syrup, but Nurofen syrop is the only medicine that thaes her fever down. We trid with supositories, but it vain. And now, we have to give her antibiotics also. She usually throws up if she doesn't want to take a medicine and we somehow, "convince" her...

I am sure I am to blame for her infection, as we took her last Friday to a public swimming pool (for the first time), where dozens of babies and toddlers were exchanging all kind of bodily fluids...

So now you'll understand why I don't write back e-mails, why I'm not in the mood for blogging or socialising on Facebook. I am so tired that I just want to crawl under a stone and cry myself to sleep.