Sunday, April 25, 2010

Anyone to Lend Me a Shoulder to Cry on?

62.365 i know it hurts to feel so all alone,  ...Image by ashley rose, via Flickr

Today I am going to moan BIG TIME, so please bear with me...My sweet daughter is sick again. I tried to protect her as much as possible, but with so many sick kids at the kindergarten and horrendous hygiene it was only a matter of time until she got sick again.
After the health problems she had back in January, I thought a lot whether to send her to the kindergarten or not. I chose a compromise, meaning 3 days per week at the kindergarten, the rest at home. Even with this arrangement, she was still mostly at home, on account of being sick...I really don't know what to say, what to do....
Not that she learns anything there...I'm sending her because of the company - she loves being with kids her age, and because she learns Hebrew. Apart from that...I was surprised, in a bad way, that they didn't learn anything about Earth Day...I know the accent is put on tradition and religion (even if the kindergarten is a secular-state owned one) and that's OK with me. But I would've want the kids to be taught other things, as well. Earth Day is an important day and it should be treated accordingly. Of course, Maya and I talked about it. The beginning of the conversation went like this:

Me: Maya, do you know what day is Today? It is Earth Day!
Maya: No, mummy. Today is Thursday!

See what I mean? Afterwards we talked about it and at 8 o'clock in the evening we turned off the lights, even if Ashdod (the city where we live) didn't participate in the national celebrations....We watched on TV the backwards counting and how Tel Aviv went all dark...

Today, because Maya didn't go to the kindergarten I called them and the dialogue was something like this:
Me: Good morning, Ramona, Maya's mother speaking...
Somebody: SO?
(yeah, it was the teacher's helper substitute, a very "well educated" and "polite" person, as you can see. I am sorry I'm not able to replay somehow the bored tone in which she answered...)
Me: I am calling to tell you that Maya is sick...etc...etc...
SO, what to do you expect???

Oh God, I am so pissed off. And on top of everything, I am not feeling well, either. But there is nobody to make me a tea, to buy me medicine, as I am alone as usual. Alone, alone, alone. Nobody to take the burden from my soul, nobody to tell me it is going to be all right, nobody to give me a shoulder to cry on. So I just cry and this feeling of emptiness is burrowed in my chest once again. Sometimes I wake up at night and my heart cringes with fear and pain. I watch my children sleep and I pray to God to give me strenght and keep them healthy. With the rest I can cope...
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4 comments:

Hevel said...

First a practical comment: Earth Daya was not celebrated at either of the schools that my boys attend, however both schools had a week dedicated to the environment around Tu B'Shvat, so I guess that balances things...

*vitual hug* I know it is hard when you ar enot well, and neither is Maya... I hope both of you will feel better soon!

Andrew Swansson said...

A Big Vitual " Bear Hug " From Australia .. Hope you are both better soon.

Sounds like you really need to find a local support group as no one can survive alone even in the Holy Land.

Sharnanigans said...

Shoulder your way from Australia. I'm with Andrew, you must find some support out there in the holy land. We are here for you in Cyber land but sometimes you need some other type of support too, real people you can see. Put it out there Ramona, they will be there. you don't have to be alone, no-body does. Your children deserve a happy mama, and you deserve to be happy. Mama or not. Promise me you will find a support group - they are out there

Mari-Ann said...

Oh I'm just so sorry to hear Maya is sick. I wish there were something I could do. You have my virtual shoulder anytime you need it. :)