The Symmetry of Cakes and Words and Love

 

 

Last week we had three birthdays in our family.

My husband’s was on the third. Our daughter Maya baked him a cake. Maya’s was on the fifth. Her boyfriend baked her a cake. His birthday was on the seventh and it was Maya’s turn to bake him a cake.

Three birthdays.

Three cakes.

Each of them with its own story to tell.

Maya baked her father a lemon-pound cake. For her boyfriend, it was Black Forest. Her boyfriend baked her a cheese cake. Each recipient received their all-time favorite cakes.

In the outside world, they were talking about missiles and alarms and wars. We were reminded about things that are out of our control.

Inside our home, small gestures of love. With everything we were going through lately, it felt big and significant. My husband has this awful disease looming over him and the ruthless treatment. Maya has her own worries about her future. Her boyfriend, too. And yet, they expressed their love with cakes.

There is something concrete and practical and centering about baking a cake. Maya once told me that when she is stressed, she bakes. Strangely enough, even though I am no baker, I understand her. Baking gives you something to focus on. Baking a cake has rules. You measure the ingredients; you mix them and put them in the oven. You are in control of the process. And yes, most of the time something good and delicious comes out of it.

Me? I write. I try to transform my anxiety into words, the words into poems. I like to say that both of us create something. Maya – her cakes. Me – my poems, stories, essays. And no matter how much work we put into it, I am sure Maya’s creations are way better than mine. Well, at least tastier.

So, this is the story of our family this past week. Three birthdays and three cakes. Our love to wrap them in. And my words for us to remember.

Hand in Hand with My (Slightly Smelly) Love

This afternoon I didn't feel well, it happens to me from time to time, what can I do, I don't handle stress very well. I had to lay down, and I asked Maya to come by my side on the bedroom's bed. I don't trust her alone in the apartment, with her being very curious and adventurous and with the apartment having too many interesting nooks and corners to be explored.

So there we were, lying side by side on the bed. I switched on the TV, it was one of her favourite shows on - "The Backyardigans". I asked her to be quiet for a while and I took her hand in mine. I wanted to feel if she'd try to sneak away. Her soft, warm hand smelled slightly of onions and washing liquid - we cooked together lunch, mushrooms' stroganoff, and cleaned afterwards.

I couldn't ask for more: her smelly hand, her curly hair tickling my cheeks, her sweet breath, pure and absolute bliss. Of course, it lasted for about five minutes, as she couldn't keep still for longer. Still, it was enough for me, and I didn't ask for more. Well, maybe just a quick kiss on her round heel - that was all I was able to catch as she wriggled away from me...

Searching for...True Love

Image by h.koppdelaney via Flickr

Today my sister and I watched "Twilight" - the movie (after Stephenie Meyer's book, needless to say). For me it was the third time, for my sister, the first. I knew almost all the replies by heart, as I read the books four times and I am currently listening to the audio version.

I just love the story in them, what can I do? Whenever I see a movie like "Twilight" or read a book with a similar theme I always feel that this is the right medicine for my heart...Even if afterwards, at the end of the movie or when I finish the book, I feel sad...And I ask myself the same question...

How many human beings (or other earthly creatures) can say they've known love, true love? And I mean that pure, unspoiled, shared , altruistic love; mind blowing, soul shattering, earth moving love. The kind of love you read about in books or see in movies. Does this feeling really exist? How many of you people can say that you've experienced it?

Can a simple, average, normal person know such love? Or is this only for higher beings, sofisticated minds, with souls capable of such strong feelings?

I have no idea.

Don't get me wrong. I had my share of love in this world. I loved and I was loved in return. I remember how the first love literally burned my soul, leaving me baren and selfless for some time. I remember that first kiss when I felt the ground moving under my soles and wings flapping over my head. I remember the guy that loved me and stayed outside my house in the rain just to see me for a moment at the window. I remember how it felt when the man I loved betrayed my feelings, sleeping with other women. I remember my last love, obedient, wise, sensible, the one upon which you build a family.

But never ever had I felt the perfect moment of harmony between me and another soul, never ever had a celestial orchestra sang a hymn of praise when we kissed...

So I wonder...

Is love a real and true feeling? Or just the figment of some writer's imagination, or maybe God's best joke?

Is it possible for two souls to feel and experience it? Forever? And I don't mean love as infatuation, chemistry, hormones, passion, I mean love as sacrifice, self-denial, devotion. As in willingly giving your life in order for the other to survive... And when I write this, I'm thinking of motherly love. A mother would give her life for her children. I know I would. And maybe a father would do the same. I know my husband would (but not for me, though).

And all this leaves me even more confused, with more unanswered questions. So you tell me, my friends and readers:What is love and does it really exist?

Oh, I'm sure I'm not the first one to ask these questions. Then, would you be so kind and point me to the answers?

P.S. Some time ago I asked my husband, whom I dearly love, if he loves me...He answered :"Of course I love you! You are the mother of my daughter!" (quod erat demonstrandum!)