Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday - Am I Invisible?

I am so glad it is Wednesday, because it is "Pour Your Heart out" at Shell's blog, and this is what am I going to do today. I gave Maya lots of toys to play with and I hope she'll leave me alone until I finish this post....Because, oh boy, I do have a lot in my heart and I just want to get rid of it...
So, here it goes...
I think that lately I am invisible...I mean, nobody answers my e-mails, nobody writes me e-mails out of the blue, you know, the "Just a quick note..." type. Nobody wants to befriend me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter...People forgot about me, my virtual bloggy friends had better things to do...Oh, this blog and all this virtual malarkey brought me so much joy! But now, it is only dissapointment...Nobody even reads this blog, no comments or suggestions, nada...as if they all deserted me...as if I went invisible...I guess they all got bored by my cramped style, by my long strings of problems, pesimism and such. I know I was and continue to be stuck in a rut lately. Well, I've been a staying at home mum for four years and it drives me bonkers. We had a very difficult year with Maya being very sick twice and all the tests and MRI's and CT scans and hospitals and doctors and late night visits to the ER and high fever and....it was such a difficult year, believe me...to be on duty 24/7, no matter what...I still get up at night to check if my daughters breaths...I know she is fine now (knock wood) and it is time for me to move on. But I CAN'T...Not alone, not invisible...I need my virtual friends back...Maybe I did somethink wrong, maybe...I don't know...My posts haven't been lately what they used to be. I guess I'm pouring all my inspiration in the novel I am writing. Because, no matter what, I continue to write. Each and every night, until my vision blurrs, until may head hurts. After Maya goes to sleep, it is only me and the white pages (and the ocasionally internet search).
I know I am not a funny person, I mean, I don't write funny posts, nor inspirational ones. I don't do giveaways...well, I gave you my heart and look what you did with it...I don't do crafts or worksheets. MAybe I should.Maybe that's the secret of having a lot of friends and comments...
Anyway, if you do care, tell me please what I did wrong. If you are still my friend, give me a ssign. I really need you to help me become visible again...
That's it. I told you everything that bothers me, the things that hurt me most. The ball is in your hands now...

I am linking this post to Shell's "Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday". I know I did...

13 comments:

Elliot Jaffe said...

You are not invisible. Your words flow through the net and touch people. It is true that most of the time the words don't flow back.

Be strong and know that people do hear you. You are not alone.

Alone in Holy Land said...

Thanks Elliot. I needed this...

Tree said...

I'm still here reading! I have so many blogs that I follow, and I've been in the hospital and not feeling well myself, so I don't get around to comment like I used to. :(

I also run 4 blogs, and manage a household of 10. LOL So that keeps me pretty busy! I am starting to feel much better and have been going back to my regular routine of stopping by blogs I follow to comment.

So sorry you're feeling bad! But, see? I saw your post and replied....someone is listening! :)

*LLUVIA* said...

You're not invisible.

One thing I learned about blogger is that you give comments in order to get people to visit your blog. It's great when i get comments and it stings when i don't; but I'm over it quickly.

The important thing of it all, is that you should write for you and only for you. Comments or not.

There are blogs that I absolutely I cannot miss reading, not because they do giveaways, are funny, inspiration, etc...but because we started out together and it's great to see how much we have grown. We go way back, in a way.

I'm happy just to be able to pour it out. Writing should be like that.

With that in mind, WOW! You're all the way in Israel! Now that's exciting!! Isn't it? I've never had a friend from there! :D

Shell said...

I'm sorry that you are feeling like this. I think you are a very "real" blogger and I appreciate that over the fluff. Maybe it's just the summer? It's so hard to find time to fit it all in during the crazy summer months.

My in-real-life "friends" make me feel invisible. It hurts.

Thanks for linking up.

Tylaine said...

I sososo understand what you are saying. I feel so much of the same way. You are not invisible. You are not alone. You are real and you hurt. I've never been one for some blogs that are ALWAYS positive and talking about how great life is and all that....well it's not sometimes it really sucks and we need to let it out! Keep writing and keep letting it out, there are people listening! :)

Beth Zimmerman said...

I agree with Shell that a lot of it is time of year. I love to watch trends and patterns and I have noticed a HUGE decrease in traffic on my blog this month (though I changed nothing) that I think is just because it's summer and kids are home and people are busy and have less time online! Still it does sting to feel invisible and unheard!

I would like to encourage you so I'm following and will make an effort to comment regularly but please note that I follow HUNDREDS of blogs and can't get to all of them every day! :)

Basia said...

Ramona, you are amazing. No, amazing doesn't even come into it! I sent you more on your Facebook profile...keep your head up and keep on writing!

Alone in Holy Land said...

I don't even know what to say...I really don't. I can only thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Your words mean a lot to me....from them I gather my strenght to continue....
Thank you all...
xxx

Grandmother Crone said...

I read, I read, I read your blog. Every post. I'm a devoted follower and also leave comments. I love the honesty and heart you put into your posts. I love that you live in my Homeland.
But I do understand how easy it is to feel invisible. I have three people who email me. My husband, my daughter in Israel and my daughter in Atlanta. Pretty much that's it. I post on my blog usually every day and don't have much feedback or followers. I leave comments like crazy and poof . . . I'm gone. Mah l'asot?

Alex said...

Don't you just feel bad when you read blogs and don't leave comments because you don't have time and find out it makes your blogger feel unloved.

We read!

I think I appreciate my bloggy friends more than my real friends sometimes...it takes real effort on their behalf.

Keep writing, we're all still lurking.

Brittney said...

well i have never been to your blog before but as a fellow SAHM i know exactly how lonely it can be, if i didnt have my internet friends i dont know what i would do because IRL i feel exactly the way you posted... Invisible! I too have had a sick kid and I know that sucks the funny right out of you, i mean who wants to be funny when you are so concerned with your child's health. I mean I have funny posts but it depends on the day but that shouldnt matter. I blog for the connections, to feel human, and i know being stuck in the house day in and day out as a SAHM it can drive you to the brink of insanity. Anyway Im going to follow you now and if you ever need a friend please email me brittneymclain at att dot net

Duchess said...

Just stumbled upon your post and wanted to tell you that you are not alone. *hug*