Friday, January 8, 2010

Trapped

Wedding RingsImage by Keith Park via Flickr

I don't like/want to write here about matters that concern my married life. I can rant about myself/motherhood/my children but I told myself I will never ever write about any problems that I would have in my marriage. Because it would be like, I don't know, telling of, gossiping, I don't really want to get there.
But today I feel so dissapointed and hurt I can almost feel the pain physically. We had a huge row, me and my husband and I realized how foolish I have been, thinking, hoping that people can change, things can get better. Everything is just such a big sham and I was too naive to think that knights on white horses do exist and that the road to eternal love is paved with red roses. Too many romantic novels, I guess.
But it hurts, the thought of having to accept , finally, that I was wrong it hurts more than the mistake itself.
I know it all sounds complicated and I don't want to explain anything. I''ll just stay here, eyes wide open to nothingness, feeling trapped.
Have you ever been so sad and hurt that you felt your body being so fragile, of a glass like consistency, and you had to lay down and wrap your arm around you to protect yourself from breaking in a million pieces? This is how I fell right now. Breakable, oh so breakable...
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9 comments:

Hevel said...

I pray for strength and comfort for you. You are too precious to have to feel like this.

International Giveaways said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
International Giveaways said...

Yes, I have. And I wish for you to have the strength that I had to make what is the right decision for you.

My ex-husband was emotionally abusive to me and I put up with it. It broke me down completely until I became nothing. I was weak, fragile and a completely different person than I had been before our marriage. Men don't change.. women keep on trying to change them. I couldn't handle it anymore. I couldn't continue falling into a deep abyss of depression and nothingness for a man that would never change and be the wonderful, attentive, sweet husband I wanted him to be.

So I had the strength to change my life around five months ago. We got divorced, I quit my job, left Israel and moved back to Bolivia to my family and home.

BEST decision I've ever made.

I hope so so so much that whatever decision is made, it works out for you so you can be happy too.

And btw, without really knowing what your situation is: trapped.. there's no such thing. I thought I was trapped but it was SO easy to leave, so easy. I realized I was never trapped.

Much love,

Ronit

Mihaela Petrescu said...

Wow, imi da fiori durerea ta! E atit de complicat de inteles ce te-a adus in starea asta, sint un miliard de posibilitati, de motive.Te doare mult prea tare ca sa poti face apel la ratiune acum. Da-ti timp sa se mai estompeze durerea si nu actiona fara sa ai deplin control asupra ratiunii tale. Esti mama si trebuie sa gindesti si pentru copilul(copiii tai)tau.
Desdigur ca nu trebuie sa accepti nici un fel de abuz, fie el emotional sau fizic.
Acum cel mai important pentru tine este sa stii ca nu esti singura! Si nu esti! Continua sa-ti exprimi trairile. Te ajuta si pe tine sa te auzi si sa-ti pui putina ordine in gindire.
Incearca sa nu faci nimic fara o adinca chibzuire, ca sa nu ai ce sa-ti reprosezi mai tirziu.

Sharnanigans said...

Ramona, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Please find within you the courage to do what is right for you. It is the only way to turn the situation around, and I am sure something wonderful will be waiting once you have that courage. Go within to find that answer. xx

Ottavia said...

Oh my goodness. I completely understand where you are coming from. You never want to explose that part of your life..I detest gossip too. Some things are just so private.

We all have difficult times, and we all made mistakes. But it will never be a mistake if you learn from it. Look at it as a time for change not disappoint. Some times we just need to move forward, not everyone is meet to be together 4-ever. No one is responsible for your happiness except you.

Stay strong!

Clare and Gary said...

Ramona...I'm thinking of you.. I sometimes feel lonliness in a Foreign country, but I am lucky that husband is my rock and knight in shining armour...not sure how I would cope otherwise... I will keep you in my heart and thoughts x

Alone in Holy Land said...

What can i say? it is conforting to know that I have so many friends, even if they are virtual ones...
It is complicated...my life is complicated right now but I am going to try and sort everything out. In a way or another...
Thank you all for your support!
It means the world to me!

Katherine Jenkins said...

Alone in Holy Land-The answer lies inside you. There is no right or wrong. There is only this moment. Every moment you have a choice. All of these moments add up to your life. How will you choose to live? Choices are not easy sometimes, but I believe that if the choice is good for you, it is good for everyone. Peace to you and may you find the strength to follow your heart and be happy you did. You deserve the best in life because you are a wonderful person!