Image by zawtowers via FlickrI struggle.
All my life is a struggle, since I've known myself, I've been struggling to achieve, I've been fighting to win somebody over...
I don't know if I am a winner or a loser, I really forgot how is to feel like being on the top of the world. Lately, my battles are small, domestic ones as I struggle to come to an understanding: why am I here, what is the meaning of life?
I watch my baby girl as she struggles through life and I recognize myself so well in her daily battles. I wanted, just like her, to be a winner. With Maya is like this, you want her to do something, you make it a contest...I hope she will win her battles, at least the important ones. Well, for her, important today is to boss us around and to convince us to do her bidding...She is so strong - willed (not to say stubborn) that I am telling myself she'll achieve whatever she wants from people because she'll exasperate them until they'll give up. At lest, this is her main tactics nowadays.
I struggle. I fall. I get up and continue, and once again...is really that important to win our battles in life? It is that bad to be a loser?
Life is harsh...at least for people like me that has to survive from paycheck to paycheck month after month, since the day I left home and got married an got myself a kid. I am not afraid to battle for what I believe in. I am not afraid to lose. I am more afraid of this state of numbness, where I cannot find something worth fighting for, I am more afraid of me losing my drams, forgeting my aspirations. How do one keeps the flame within alive? What I have to do to shake myself and find me one good battle. I am done with chasing windmills. I want something real, I want to feel alive, to brush my cheeks against the wind of higher planes or the dust of some road, to feel elated, to feel defeated, it doesn't matter, just to feel something, damn it, TO FEEL!