Saturday, February 20, 2010

Fasting, Purple Bumps and Taking the Blame

Candle Light in the wildImage by wickedboy_007 via Flickr

For the past couple of weeks, Maya has been feeling better and better...Her latest test results were good and on Monday we have to take her to the neurologist. And today, WHAM! she fels from her bed and bumps her head. I am still weak at the knees and my hands are trembling as I write this. 99% of the time I am with her (I don't even go to the toilet by myself, she insists on coming with me) and during that 1% that she is by herself, she bumps her head! She has know a HUGE purple bump on her forehead! What is the doctor going to say? That I am an irresponsible parent? Well, he'll be right, I am. I blame myself for what happened to Maya last month, I blame myself for today's accident...I know this doesn't help my baby, but this is how I feel.
For now, I am keeping her by my side, to see if she develops other symptoms and I just feel my internal organs turning into jelly...
And by the way, I decided this year to fast during Lent (actually, the Great Lent, as I am a Greek Orthodox, my family changed its religion during the Ceausescu years in Romania, because the Catholic religion was forbidden) as a way of saying Thank you to God for keeping Maya alive, for helping her where us, humans, failed her. I am so grateful and I thought that fasting for 40 days, meditating and trying to be a better person will be my way to express my gratitude and love for God.


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4 comments:

Quixotic said...

I'm new to your site, so not sure what happened with Maya last month, but you are not a bad mum, or a neglectful one! Children will always have little falls and bumps, it's part of growing up and any Doctor worth his salt will know that. My daughter once fell off my bed even when I was sitting there with her, I just wasn't quick enough to reach over and grab her. Try not to beat your self up about it, it's all part of parenthood, and I hope Maya improves quickly.

Katherine Jenkins said...

Hi Ramona-I hope Maya is doing well now. Take care of yourself and give yourself love and don't blame yourself. I'm glad you are my friend here.

Hevel said...

As a father of four young boys, I can telly ou that bruises are a fashion accessory as well as triumph badges. No doctor in tehir right mind will think you are an irresponsible parent.

Children grow and learn by exploring, and bruises, scrapes and minor cuts are all part of that process.

StrawberryAnn said...

You can´t blame yourself for Mayas little accident, that happens! I have 3 wild boys! Stoff like that happens, its a part of life and growing up!Great to hear that her testresults are better! Keep the faith!!!