Sunday, February 14, 2010

What's Going on in My Head

Mermaid SyndromImage via Wikipedia

You really don't want to know what is going on in my head...I have an overactive imagination, I really do. What can I say. ..Usually it is helpful, because I can build me whatever fantasy world I want, to help me escape reality. I am not deluded, I don't speak to myself (well, not a lot), I am not crazy ( not crazier thatn your average crazy person, that is) and God gave me this amazing tool: my brain, my intelligence, my fantasies.
For a while now, I've moving around with this big idea in my to head: to write a book. It wouldn't be my first one, I wrote and published a book some years ago (aproximately ten years), a book about my journey through Israel. But this book I am talking about would be different. Firstly, because I want to write it in English (that is not my native language) and secondly, because it is pure fiction. Oh boy, huge task...And thirdly, did I tell you I am superstitious? My great aunt, who kind of raised me "taught" me that. And whenever I wrote at my book, something bad happened. For example, last time I worked at it, Maya got sick and she was taken to the hospital. So, I am afraid to even get close to my notebook (I like to write by hand first) and I am becoming more and more obsessed with it.
It is hard. It is really hard to be me, to live in a country which doesn't really want me, where I feel I don't belong, trying very hard to raise my daughter according to my principles of being a good, tolerant person, to keep together a family...But believe me, that is nothing compared to what is going on in my head. And I am really grateful for it. My main problem here is, how to approach my notebook again? The words are literally burning inside me, asking to be set free and I am AFRAID. I know it sounds idiotic, we're not living in the Middle Ages, but still, some of this beliefs are just so deep etched in one's soul...
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8 comments:

marieta said...

Am citit despre un iconar care a-ncercat sa picteze chipul mantuitorului (trebuia sa-l picteze pana a doua zi dimineata musai).Tot ce facea era dor sa stearga si sa greseasca in indeplinirea acestei lucrari astfel ca, pana la urma disperat,a cazut in genunchi si s-a rugat sa-L lase sa picteze icoana.Obosit,a adormit in timp ce se ruga.A doua zi dimineata a vazut cu uimire ca icoana era gata pictata iar chipul Mantuitorului il privea stralucitor si plin de bunatate si frumusete.
Te pup cu drag, stii tu ce ai de facut, iar ganduri rele e normal sa ne treaca prin cap,priveste-le mai cu compasiune si intelegere si nu le lua asa in serios ca doar atunci isi fac de cap.

Quixotic said...

I have a burning ambition to write too, set off by this magical blogging thing! I too am afraid, but not because of any superstition or past bad experience, mine is just common garden-variety fear of being rubbish at it!

Larissa said...

hehe I have such an overactive imagination too!

I will put it in writing some day =)

I have an award for you at my blog!!!
=))))

xoxo

Katherine Jenkins said...

Just do it..anything burning inside you needs to be set free. Write it, send it out, get it published..I'm sure it will be FANTASTIC!

Alone in Holy Land said...

Qquixotic, welcome to my blog! I hope you'll enjoy your stay!
LArissa, thank you for the award!
Katherine, thank you for for the encoragement...
THANK YOU!

angelguided said...

Fear is ego trying to control us by putting ideas in our minds that something bad will happen. I understand how superstitions can really take a hold over us. My Mum used to tell us that she would die if we left our shoes overturned. I find myself straightening my shoes without thinking, even though she passed away four years ago. Listen to your mind take what is helpful, then bypass it, by following your heart. :)

Lena said...

You know.. just do it... sit down and write all the bad things that happened to you and your loved ones in the last years, see how many of them happened while you were writing. You will see that bad things have nothing to do with your writing. It is all in your mind, take a deep breath and start writing :)

The Colors Magazine

Simcha said...

You should go for it! Early this year I also got a strong desire to write a novel, fueled by all the writers I came into contact with on Twitter. I had some really great ideas too, but I just wasn't able to find the time. If you are reluctant to begin that actual writing, you can try dictating it on a recorder first.
Good luck!