Image by NuageDeNuit via FlickrI don't feel myself this morning. I had to wake up early (after going to sleep at 2 o'clock in the morning) as I took Maya to the kindergarten today. She didn't want to stay and kept coming after me at the door, I hated leaving her there and I had to took off like an aiplane as I had tears in my eyes and I didn't want her to see me, it would've made things worse. I suppose she'll forget about me after a while.
Then, as I returned home and turned on the PC I gasped in horror as I lost two blog followers !!! It really made me sad as I see my folowers as my friends, being so damn alone in the real world. They really know me better than many people from the "outside" as I pour my heart and soul in this blog. And so I've been asking myself, what did I do wrong? What did I write that made them un-follow me? I know I moan a lot in my blog. I moan and cry and complain and babble and groan and mumble... I don't write inspirational posts. I am alone in this alien country and I miss my home-country a lot. I am sad most of the time and I try to deal with my sadness the best I can. I struggle a lot to accept who I am and I try very hard to improve myself as a person. I had a better life 15 years ago and now I have to come to terms with who I became. I am to be found every night at this desk, trying to write a novel. Writing makes me happy, it gives me motivation, it helps me carry on the day-by-day living I have been doing for a while. I don't do crafts and give-aways (well, I did one and thinking about another one), English is not even my second language, but a foreign language, as I was born in Romania and living in Israel so maybe I am not that clear in my writing as I would like to be. But I'm doing my best, you know. I don't know how to do a lot of things, I am no artist but I love to read and I love my children to bits. I had a lot on my plate lately with my son's motorcycle accident and my daughter's hospitalization and mystery ilness and I am absolutely horrified about getting old. I like to write poems and to meditate and do Yoga and eat ice-cream and I hate extremism and intolerance and I am vegetarian. What else do you want to know? What esle is to say?
I know the persons that un-followed me and I am sad to see them go. But I am not going to change my writing style for that nor I am going to dwell on this more that I feel necessary. Because I am who I am and I started writing this blog in an attempt to cope with being an expat and a second time mother (in my 40') and I have enough on my plate, thank you very much.
So, if you think to drop by, you'll find me here, at this desk, writing my heart and soul. That's me. Good bye!