Sunday, April 18, 2010

Hate to See You Going, But...Good Bye!

_ Sad eye _Image by NuageDeNuit via Flickr

I don't feel myself this morning. I had to wake up early (after going to sleep at 2 o'clock in the morning) as I took Maya to the kindergarten today. She didn't want to stay and kept coming after me at the door, I hated leaving her there and I had to took off like an aiplane as I had tears in my eyes and I didn't want her to see me, it would've made things worse. I suppose she'll forget about me after a while.

Then, as I returned home and turned on the PC I gasped in horror as I lost two blog followers !!! It really made me sad as I see my folowers as my friends, being so damn alone in the real world. They really know me better than many people from the "outside" as I pour my heart and soul in this blog. And so I've been asking myself, what did I do wrong? What did I write that made them un-follow me? I know I moan a lot in my blog. I moan and cry and complain and babble and groan and mumble... I don't write inspirational posts. I am alone in this alien country and I miss my home-country a lot. I am sad most of the time and I try to deal with my sadness the best I can. I struggle a lot to accept who I am and I try very hard to improve myself as a person. I had a better life 15 years ago and now I have to come to terms with who I became. I am to be found every night at this desk, trying to write a novel. Writing makes me happy, it gives me motivation, it helps me carry on the day-by-day living I have been doing for a while. I don't do crafts and give-aways (well, I did one and thinking about another one), English is not even my second language, but a foreign language, as I was born in Romania and living in Israel so maybe I am not that clear in my writing as I would like to be. But I'm doing my best, you know. I don't know how to do a lot of things, I am no artist but I love to read and I love my children to bits. I had a lot on my plate lately with my son's motorcycle accident and my daughter's hospitalization and mystery ilness and I am absolutely horrified about getting old. I like to write poems and to meditate and do Yoga and eat ice-cream and I hate extremism and intolerance and I am vegetarian. What else do you want to know? What esle is to say?

I know the persons that un-followed me and I am sad to see them go. But I am not going to change my writing style for that nor I am going to dwell on this more that I feel necessary. Because I am who I am and I started writing this blog in an attempt to cope with being an expat and a second time mother (in my 40') and I have enough on my plate, thank you very much.

So, if you think to drop by, you'll find me here, at this desk, writing my heart and soul. That's me. Good bye!

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12 comments:

Hevel said...

Some followers desappear because they delete their Blogspot account. Some just stop blogging.

You shouldn't change a thing about your blog. I love it as it is.

Alone in Holy Land said...

Don't worry, Hevel, I wont change it, I love it also the way it is, it is too much me in there.
You're such a good and sweet friend. Thanks!

Tylaine said...

Hi there,

I've been reading your blog for some time and I think it's great. I don't understand why people un-follow a blog except if its for the reasons above. I totally understand so much of what you feel. I live in the States and am from Canada (so probably not as big a change as you) but I understand how hard it is to be away from family and friends and have noone other than your immediate family where you live. Keep writing, I'm listening!! :):)

Katherine Jenkins said...

Ramona, I like you just the way you are..keep writing your soul out. Write it here and write it in that novel of yours. Write what you want and write what is YOU. People have tried to tell me to write differently, but I can't. My writing is me, your writing is you. I love you the way you are ^_^! And yes, we must have felt similar things because I wrote about "Being Yourself" on my blog too. Lots of love, Your Friend, Kathy

Mari-Ann said...

I agree with the others - keep doing what you're doing! This blog is for YOU not for them. I enjoy your blog because I can relate to feeling alone in a country not your own. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us!

Bozót said...

Hi,
I don't comment often (if I have ever?) but I'm reading your blog and I like it the way it is.

I know people who started following hundreds of blogs and then realized they couldn't physically read that many regularly and just cut some. It happens.

Alone in Holy Land said...

Thank you all for your comments. As I said in my post, you are all very important to me as I don't have any other friends (seriously). You know me better than anyone else so I hate to see you go.
lots of love,
Ramona

Sharnanigans said...

Ramona my numbers go up and down like yo-yos don't take it personally, I know I do sometimes, but I have learnt not to. The ones that count are still here - it is a metaphor for life really - to be sad over what you don't have is to miss what you do have.
Look at your supporters here! Keep it coming sister!

tmac2271 said...

From what I read, everything sounds good to me. So you have a new follower =D

Awais said...

Don't say good bye :( it hurts Please say See you again :)

Awais said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Miss Muffin said...

Thanks for your sweet comments on my blog! I am not sure whether you saw my answer on that post http://muffinsnmore.blogspot.com/2010/04/felt-finger-puppets.html ... Well, if it helps and you want to I could do a tutorial for you?! But I think you would also do fine without one! :-) Especially if you know how to stitch! Didn't you say that you used to stitch?
When I came to your blog I stumbled about that post about your followers ... you know, I think you should not worry about people un/following you!!! I mean - look at my followers! I started writing a blog for myself actually - but once it was out there I of course also started looking at how many followers I have, how many comments I get ... stuff like that! And sometimes I think - why are so few people following me? What am I doing wrong? And I often have to stop and tell myself - it is not the followers you are writing this for! I love my followers and comments - the whole communication and inspiration! But in the end I write for myself! So there is nothing I should and nothing I will change. And I will not write my blog for others!
And I think that is also what you should do - leave it like it is! It is great!!!