Friday, August 28, 2009

Only Me, the Dog and the Stray Cat

Mesocephalic catImage via Wikipedia

Very early this morning my sister and her son have left for Romania. They are still on the road as I'm writing, they'll reach Timisoara by midnight, as they travel from Bucharest by train. And I'm already missing her.
I kept myself busy all day long, because I didn't want to think about them being gone but as soon as I took Dubi the dog for its walk, I couldn't escape the reality anymore. Because, for almost a month, my sister and I took Dubi for its evening walk together. And it was fun. Because there were only the two of us, and we talked about our childhood, sharing memories, about our common disfunctional family, about life and about what happened in the last 10 years yhtat we hadn't seen each other...
And this evening it was only me, again, with Dubi and the stray cat I feed - she likes to stroll with us...
I really envy my sister. Well, not her exactly, but her life. She is close to her brother, keeps in touch with her ex-husband and his parents (even if it is for the sake of her son), our mother (more, "her" mother than mine) visits her every three - four months or so, she's got a job that she loves, has a lot of friends...
I am not saying that my life is bad or something... I love my small family. But this is not what I'd imagined for myself, profesionally and socially... I am so alone here, I've been for a long time now. I had to give up practising the profession I loved, I had to give up so many things I loved and I am not sure I received that much in return...I realise now how important the place I live is for me, how important was my social network back home, how much I loved my home country. But of course it is too late now and I know I'll grow bitter just thinking about what I had and lost...
And it will be only me, Dubi and the stray cat, every evening, all over again...
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2 comments:

Hevel said...

Expat life is hard. A piece of your heart is always somewhere else and there are people you'll always, always miss.
*HUGS*

Alone in Holy Land said...

Hevel, welcome back! Where have you been? Missed you like crazy!
I never thought it would be so hard to leave Romania and live somewhere else. No matter what others say, I love my homeland...I came to live in Israel because it seemed like the right move at that time, and I knew the country well - I visited a lot in the past, as I was a newspaper corespondent and then I did research for my book. It is not the same thing, though and I find it very hard to "integrate'. Hopefully, it will be different for Maya, as she was born here...