Thursday, November 26, 2009

Reality Comes Barging In

The WallImage by spoon via Flickr

Most of the time I manage to hold on to the bubble of pseudo-reality I created for myself: my books, my home, taking care of my baby. I try not to think about dissapointment, shattered dreams, biterness. I know they are there somewhere, on the side, but I try with all it takes to keep them there, block them, isolate them, ignore them. Negative thoughts don't do me good.On the contrary, they make me sick.
Sometimes, when my defences are low (sick baby, ungrateful son, inexistent husband, rude and stupid people) every particle that holds something negative inside itself, comes barging in. Destroying. Digging. Ripping apart. Tearing down.
Sometimes I try to fight back. Sometimes I just give in. And after I manage to gather my strength around me, like a familiar and well-worn coat, I begin my sisyphean task of rebuilding my stronghold, raising my defences. One brick at a time. Agonizingly slowly. Painfully.
Until next time when reality comes barging in, blowing everything to smithereens...
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3 comments:

Marilyn said...

and often the experience will help someone in ways they do not see...

topolino said...

I have just found your blog and read it all. I think it's really great and you express so much that I can identify with - living in the Holy Land. I found it comforting to read about your frustrations and feelings. Although they are hard for you, they help me realise that I am not the only one feeling like that and that maybe I'm not always to blame when situations don't turn out how I expect! And your English is excellent.

Alone in Holy Land said...

Marilyn, as always, you find the bright side of things! It is such a great pleasure for me knowing that you read my blog!
Topolino,I am glad you found my blog...I speak/write as i feel and for sure this journey is not an easy one.Welcome aboard!