I survived another Thursday and I must say I am pleased. No major crisis, nothing was broken (not even a war), only a few tears were shed (mine and Maya's also), I managed to hold to my sanity even when I had to sort Maya's old toys...When I have to survive a day like the one that approaches its triumphant end I just go on automatic pilot, I don't think, I just automatically check the "to do" boxes that are securely etched in my brain. Feed the child. Check. Feed the dog. Check. Take out the dog, but don't forget to take the kid also and lock the door. Check...Well, sometimes the boxes and the checks get a bit muddled and then some major crisis erupts or some really bad thing happens, like when, during the war in winter I went out with Maya and forgot to lock the door and we got burglared... It is not nuclear physics, somebody would say, this mother/woman thing, a house to clean, a child to look after, a husband...well, I bet the one that says that is a MAN. It is even more complicated than nuclear physics, believe me. It was easier when I was a journalist and I had to interview some big shot/former communist guy that got his training from the KGB. Maya's looks when she's angry could freeze ten heels, not just one...
Anyhow, it is done. The house is clean, the dog is snoring on a clean blanket, Maya is dreaming of cats and lollipops, my husband is watching "House M.D.", my son is out at some party...and me...I stay here in front of the computer trying to figure out what the hell went wrong in my life...how did I end up here, in this small southern Israeli town, a big nothing plastered on my forehead...I need to figure out how to get out of here or to develop some survival strategy or...I have no idea. I had dreams, you know, I was young and I thought, I really-really thought that everything that glitters is gold, that life is easy and all you have to do is ask...I got cured of all that optimism pretty soon, believe me...I don't know yet what is to do or howI am going to do it, but something has to change quickly, because time doesn't stop when one wants to and I don't want to end up counting my "what if's" and becoming an old bitter hag.
Anyhow, it is done. The house is clean, the dog is snoring on a clean blanket, Maya is dreaming of cats and lollipops, my husband is watching "House M.D.", my son is out at some party...and me...I stay here in front of the computer trying to figure out what the hell went wrong in my life...how did I end up here, in this small southern Israeli town, a big nothing plastered on my forehead...I need to figure out how to get out of here or to develop some survival strategy or...I have no idea. I had dreams, you know, I was young and I thought, I really-really thought that everything that glitters is gold, that life is easy and all you have to do is ask...I got cured of all that optimism pretty soon, believe me...I don't know yet what is to do or howI am going to do it, but something has to change quickly, because time doesn't stop when one wants to and I don't want to end up counting my "what if's" and becoming an old bitter hag.
Oh, and I didn't ask - How is the new Harry Potter movie?
Cannot wait to see it!
Well, I'm off to bed with Mr. Lukyanenko. Just don't tell my husband!
Night-night, whoever you are!
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2 comments:
Your Average Thursday sounds interesting to me!! You say you want to get the hell out of there...where would you like to go and what would you like to do?...that's a good place to start!!! All the best will come to you if you allow it to! Peace to you, Katherine
Thank you for this post. There is nothing I can 'say' that can change anything. But! please know that I hear you on a very deep level from reading this post , and that from this point forward you are in my heart and my prayers.
On to the Miraculous! :D
Sincerest blessings,
~~Life
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